FINALLY! Here are the questions for our distinguished panel of bloggers. While you finish up the last of the lime jello with tuna and the sodden Canadian bacon pizza that must have been sprayed when I opened that last fizzy bottle of tonic, our eleven blog authors will answer the questions I have painstakingly written on cue cards at 2:00 a.m. (those same questions which seemed a whole lot more coherent before the gin ran out).
Here now is a brief description of each writer and his/her blog, followed by a question from one of YOU. Feel free to ask any more questions in the comments that you'd like. Have fun!
Barking Mad!
Way up in the wilds of Maine, Miss Auds had this great idea to help all of us share our favorite blogs, get to know new bloggers, and find new undiscovered treasures out there in Bloggywood. The bloggy dinner party was her idea, and it is cropping up everywhere around the net in many different forms. Auds is warm and witty, an experienced writer, with a whole lot of life experience for such a young blogger. She packs a lot into a small space, and you never know what you'll find -- from very moving to funny to hair-caught-in-the-Dyson hilarity. Barking Mad! is aptly named.
Some questions for Auds. First, from Erin at Mamadance:
"Could you ask Auds if she could share the recipe for her mom's fried chicken? My husband and I have been trying to perfect our recipe but it's still a work in progress."
And, from my friend Gubby (who's known around Twitter as ijefff):
"Auds, what do you do when a lobster grabs your hair? Do you call 911 or call an exterminator? Did you know that lobsters are cousins to cockroaches? Same phylum or something. That is all. Oh, wait -- have you considered wearing a helmet around the house?"
And from Yours Truly, "I know you have at least one book in the works. Do you prefer to write fiction or nonfiction? Or are you comfortable with both?"
Alias Liz Jones
I've known Alias Liz under many different aliases for several years now. For her love of chickens, for her smart mouth, and for her Far Side interpretation of the world, it's hard to beat Alias Liz for jaw-dropping hilarious and surprisingly sweet and warm essays, on occasion. Plus, she likes chickens.
A question for Alias Liz from panelist Sarah at OK . . . Where Was I?:
"How 'real' are you on your blog? For instance, do your friends and/or family know you blog? Sorry, that's two. That's a carry-over from my teaching days when I had rooms full of stupefied looking students staring at me until I said something like 'for example....'"
Ask Grandma J
Who else but Grandma J could document the daily activities of water aerobics devotees? Her stories of her relative Rita (I think it's her mother) had me on the floor. Grandma J has a unique, funny voice, and her illustrations are so much fun. Well, Chesapeake Bay Woman has asked Grandma J something -- see how I did that? Did your heart skip a beat? I should write segues for "The Today Show." Or somebody should -- "I have a few questions for Grandma J. If you were hilarious earlier in life, which I suspect you were, what was your outlet for your humor, in the days before blogs? How did you make people laugh? Describe the most flavorful character in your compound. I don't mean describe someone you've tasted, although I am sure that would make for good reading. I mean who in your midst could be a character in a sitcom or a movie or a book and why? That's enough for now. I used to interview people for a living, and I can come up with questions all day long."
The Bean
Bejewell, or "Beej," as she's known around the internets, so often says what I'm thinking, without any much self-filtering and without pulling any punches. She loves salty language, so cover your toddler's ears while you wonder, "Why couldn't I say it like that?" I love her free-association posts; she lets you in on the sometimes-schizophrenic-often-neurotic-constantly-funny thought process of a creative person. And her little boy is SCARY cute.
So Meg from Soup Is Not a Finger Food interrupted her weekend away to ask Beej, "How is it that you manage to make it so charming and endearing when you declare yourself and your posts &$#!ING AWESOME? I am totally drinking your Kool-Aid because I do, in fact, find your blog to be &$#!ING AWESOME. I myself am afraid to drop the F-bomb on my own blog -- I've hinted at it but never served it straight-up. Why is that? I must not be &$#!ING AWESOME." This is just a guess, Beej, but I think she wants to know how you make the F-bomb work for you, while staying &$#!ING AWESOME.
I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus
Kathi is one of my newest blog finds, and she knocks me out almost every time I read there. I have to explain to Chas why I'm making those donkey noises when I read Kathi's stuff. BEST CHICKEN PICTURE AND STORIES, PERIOD. Her readers appear to be a close-knit bunch, almost as funny as she is, by their comments. It's such a treat, and quite surreal, to read her blog any given day. Go check out her chickens and her brother Bob and see if I'm right.
I have a question for Miss Kathi: "I haven't been reading your blog long enough to know what one does at a writers' workshop (like the one you just attended), other than ice skate, of course. Can you explain? Or maybe tell us what a REAL writer does? Because jeez louise, I think I need to know."
The Jason Show
Jason pulls no punches when telling his stories. Sometimes they make me cringe; sometimes they make me cry; more often than that they make me laugh in total disbelief. It's easy to ask, "Is he for REAL?" when Jason tells stories from his childhood, but his family read his blog, and they add details to his otherworldly stories. Ask him about his childhood basement. Go on, ask him. He's wonderful. You'll love him.
And Alias Liz Jones IS asking him . . . "Please ask Jason: 'What's the biggest reward and what's the biggest disappointment of being a teacher?' I know, it's lame, but that's my question. If I'm not supposed to ask one, then scratch that." Of course you're supposed to ask, Liz, and if you didn't ask I'd have to come down and haul you out of the Gas'n'Sip and MAKE you!
June Cleaver Nirvana
Holly has some blog staples you just have to read to understand: What's In Holly's Fruit Bowl? Peep of the Week, and What's Up With Holly's Coccyx? They're all part of the Monday potluck. Then there are Holly's graphic stories, which is not NEARLY as dirty as it sounds. Very funny and creative blog which you must try to squeeze into your blog reading . . . somewhere . . .
I have a question for JCN: "So Holly, I want to know, how long does it take you to do your imaginative and very funny graphic stories? Lots of people write on photos (myself included), but you start with a white canvas -- how did you get started with this technique? Also, my coccyx LOVES Bowen Therapy. Just sayin'."
Life In Mathews
Chesapeake Bay Woman and I are exactly six months apart in age. Bit o' trivia. Okay, so if you're not reading Life In Mathews to find out what goes on in the tiny Virginia hamlet of Mathews, why the hell aren't you? CBW, as her loyal readers call her, takes you every day on a virtual tour of a different part of this gorgeous village. She is infested with crabs, but don't let that color her opinion of her (because the infestation is a landscaping problem, not a personal problem). Her boat is tucked neatly away in its boat house, sinking. And her family is more colorful and lively than almost any other you could name.
So Grandma J wants to know, "1. What was your major in college? 2. What big city did you move to before coming back to Mathews? 3. Do you take after your mom or dad? 4. What was your hobby or pastime before you blogged?
The end,
Love,
Grandma J"
The Mom Bomb
I have a special kinship with The Mom Bomb: she grew up about 140 miles away, maybe, give or take a few miles, and she's heard of Orland and she STILL TALKS TO ME! Which, of course, makes me wonder about her sanity. But I don't wonder too long, because she is one of the more sane crazy people I have never met. Anyone who is married by a fake rabbi (who is later busted in a nationally-televised sting operation), who can have a very convincing conversation with General Patton (in which he essentially chews her out), and whose children have created a game show about her butt -- wait, where was I going with this? Mom Bomb is a gifted writer and someone I'd love to have a four-martini lunch with.
So my question for you, Miss Bomb, is: "You have some serious (and funny) writing chops, and have an interest in being A Writer. How has blogging changed your perspective on writing, if it has? Does it take away from your writing-with-a-purpose efforts, or does it enhance them? Also, what will you be having for Thanksgiving dinner this year?"
Mommy Pie
I have never seen myself publicly topless wearing green body paint and a smile . . . until I met Mommy Pie. I had never heard the word "Doogs," which is an upgrade for "Peeps," I think . . . until I met Mommy Pie. And while I have never actually MET Mommy Pie, I feel as if I know her. Accompanying her to her monthly office cocktail parties, tiptoeing behind her as she plasters Obama bumper stickers on her conservative boss's car, trying out unfamiliar expletives like "BALLS" for just about any reason . . . this is all new territory for a fuddy-duddy like me, and yet it feels so easy. Mommy Pie is a breath of fresh air, and the only person I know who is engaged to herself. So I'm asking her . . .
"Mommy Pie, how tall are you, and could you be convinced to move to Phoenix? Because I'm fairly sure you should marry into my family. Also, will you share some of your blogging philosophy, such as how it has changed over time, or your hopes for your writing?"
OK . . . Where Was I?
Sarah, as far as I know, coined the word "hillbility" to describe that part of most of us that we do our damnedest to hide from cameras and passing motorists. Sarah celebrates her hillbility, as well as her two beautiful sons and their idyllic life together, on her blog. Her photos of barns in her midwestern surroundings are truly beautiful, even if I can't leave a Flickr comment because I don't have an account. And her serial story about her past love affair with Temistocles (Not His Real Name), as well as her decorating feature "Design After a Dimebag" (yes, that's exactly what you think it is), have rendered me snorting and honking and otherwise completely incapacitated for minutes at a time after reading them. Sarah is the college professor I always wanted, 25 years too late.
This question for Sarah comes from scrappysue of My Home Wellingtontown: "How was her honeymoon in Egypt with the lovely James Spader?" And if this question makes no sense to you, be sure to stop by OK . . . Where Was I? to see some lovely PhotoShop creations pictures of Sarah's victim boyfriend James Spader.
I have one more question for ALL of our dinner panelists tonight, as well as for anyone who would like to jump in and answer it, and that is this:
"If you could select any company, person, product or cause for which to become the PAID spokesperson, using your blog as the medium, which/who/what would you choose? And all of the yada yada yada follow-up stuff that goes with that question; you get it."
I have another dinner party in the works, once I get settled into our new house. I have a whole different set of criteria for that one; watch for it to come.
Thank you all for coming and graciously playing along with my latest evidence of rapid-onset dementia. I hope the comment section will be lively. Feel free to toss in your own questions, and holler when I need to make a beer run. Do we need more ice?
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