Foolery

I've Found My Tribe

I can't really explain this, other than to say that when you've found Your Tribe, you just know. And here is an exchange with someone I just know would let me into Her Tribe. She has a collection of ridiculously cool shoes and she takes pictures of them sometimes. Also, she raises chickens in the Taj Mahal of chicken coops. Plus, she's about as funny as I've ever seen. Her name is Kathi, and I get her.

(Original photo used with permission from Kathi D)

foolery:  Orange is my favorite color. And vegetable.

Kathi:  Me too, except it's a fruit, isn't it?

foolery:  Is it? I was gonna say "meat," but I had my doubts.

Kathi:  Oh, meat. Now I am questioning myself. Meat sounds right.

foolery:   Sure.

Kathi:  In the meat family, at least. Like, Orange Chicken, you know?

foolery:  Certainly. I was wrong to doubt it.

❦     ❦     ❦     ❦     ❦

Go visit her site, I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus, and see if we can collectively convince Kathi post more photos of wacky shoes on her blog. 

Playing the Fool Card: Becoming a Citizen of Fooleryland

 My new Facebook friend Pierre posed several questions about Fooleryland that deserve formal responses. I'm sure that you, like Pierre, have always wanted the answers to these burning questions, and so here they are.

 

How does one become a citizen of Fooleryland? Do you have to file a petition? Is there an application form? I sure hope there ain't no background check!

You just have to want it, want it BAD. Do you want it? I know you do.

Do you have to pass a test? 

Can you read? Mostly? Test passed.




Is there a formal naturalization ceremony?

Not yet, but then we don't actually have any naturalized citizens. I need to plan something, I see that now.

Who do you gotta bribe and how much? 

Wait, I just saw this. Yes, of course -- bribes are encouraged. Okay, so you must bribe me to become a citizen of Fooleryland. Let's start with Little Debbie Snack Cakes and work our way up to automobiles.

   
(Photo stolen from Little Debbie)

 

Is there some sort of anthem everybody sings on special occasions? 

It used to be "O Canada," because we like maple syrup. Now it's "Having My Baby" by Paul Anka, because somebody's got to. We sing it Hands Across America style, on Thursdays.

On what day do you celebrate Foolery Day? You know, that's the day when all them "novelty" shops close for a holiday?

Silly Pierre, EVERY day is Foolery Day. But also, July 11th.

Are you the monarch? 

I prefer the term Blog Dictator.

Do you wear some sort of crown and/or long robe with all the fur and the little critter feet dangling like?

On Foolery Day I wear a margarita (see answer to Foolery Day, above). I do like the idea of dangly critter feet stoles, though, but I haven't seen any in Target. Additionally, snoods are mandatory, of course.



(Photo stolen from these guys)

What are citizens of Fooleryland called? Foolerians, Foolaroids, Fools?

Nope -- Fooltards. Wouldn't you like to be a Fooltard too?

Greetings from Relative Obscurity

(Image stolen from these guys)

I'm tired. Tired of writing, tired of reading, tired of thinking. This will pass, I know, and I'll jump back into competitive blogging, probably, spurred on by some silly idea I felt driven to share.

In the meantime, I read. My attention span lately hasn't allowed me to read anything much longer than Twitter's 140-character posts, so I read mile after mile after mile of things like this:

I so hate Mondays!

I have to help my son with his science homework and I have NO CHOCOLATE IN THE HOUSE! #fail

WTF? toddler will NOT take a nap longer than 15 minutes. #fml

Skinny bitches cooking on the Food Network, nothing else on.

OMG Why do kids whine so much?!

Indeed.

Attention span allowing, I would normally switch to blogs I love. But lately, in an attempt to branch out, change up my habits and expose myself to new worlds, I have instead been reading random blogs, new to me. I needn't have bothered. There's so much shrill, self-righteous and mind-numbingly obvious speechifying going on, I'd swear that everyone in Bloggywood is running for political office.

It's not that I'm not against [kicking puppies] or [grand theft auto] or [knocking down old ladies], it's just that those should be givens. I don't know anyone who IS in favor of them, and I don't want to. I feel no need to take an indignant huffy stand against [fire-bombing the post office], either.

When my mood gets particularly bleak I fear for my gender. Really, ladies? Women suffered 90 years ago so we could whine about traffic and post pictures of SHOES? How the heck do we expect to be taken seriously? And I fully embrace that under my bland exterior I am the silliest person you may ever meet, so I am including myself in this criticism.

I dunno. It's dark. It'll pass. But meanwhile I'm torturing myself with Twitter's banalities and the smug self-congratulatory world of Bloggywood. Why do I have no chocolate in the house?

HomeHer10: The Movie

(Logo designed by Marcy Massura of The Glamorous Life Association)

Didn't go to BlogHer10 in New York City this past weekend. Would I have gone if it were held in Sacramento? No. Chico? Doubtful. My own back yard? Maybe . . .

The truth is, I'm shy. No, really, I'm quite shy inside, in person, though I cover it fairly well. It's a strain for me to go new places, meet new people, do new things. So I stayed home this weekend.

And you know what? A lot of us did. A lot of bloggers stayed home. And one particularly creative blogger, Backpacking Dad (@BackpackingDad on Twitter) started HomeHer10, a parody of that big big blogger party in New York City, and it mushroomed. I checked in for the first time Friday night and about laughed my keister off, which is especially impressive if you know my keister.

Saturday morning I heard from two of my favorite mover-shaker-type bloggers, Marcy and Suz, who had something brewing, and would I like to be part of the whole HomeHer10 parody?

Why, yes. Yes I would.

And so here it is, our HomeHer10 video, brilliantly edited by Suzanne, glamorously acted by Marcy, and  shamefully realistically phoned in by Yours Truly.

 

HomeHer10 from Suzanne Broughton on Vimeo.

Bloggers Foolery from Fooleryland, Marcy from The Glamorous Life Association and Suz from OC Family went to HomeHer10 and all they got was this stupid video.

Bud's Beach Blanket Bingo

My fellow BlogFest Sister -- Blister, for short -- Nora, tried so hard to get the very shy Sparky to play with her. Down at Bud's Beach, where we ventured to say our final goodbyes, Nora gave it one last try.

 

No matter how hard Noe-Noe Girl tried all weekend, Sparky would not dance with her.

 

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her dance.

 

However, Sparky secretly likes her. How could she not?

Mathews, Virginia is My New Favoritest Place

The Foolery Family has just returned from vacation, half of which was spent in Mathews, Virginia, for the second-annual Virginia BlogFest. Perhaps you've heard of it? You really should plan to go next year.

 

We had tons of great food . . .

 

. . . but we didn't neglect our vegetables . . .

 

. . . or our fiber.

 

We had energy drinks too, of course.

 

There was a little of this . . .

 

. . . and a little of that . . .

 

. . . and of course a whole lot of this.

 

Oh, and this. We had a little of this.

 

(Original photo stolen from Big Hair Envy)

But mostly, we had a ridiculous amount of fun, including my children and my husband.

 
 

Thank you Chesapeake Bay Woman, Bayman, Big Hair Envy, Noe-Noe Girl, C-Dub, Re, and the Chesapeake Bay Family for a fantastic time, and for making us feel so welcome. I hope to be able to return the favor some day. How do you feel about Mexican food and flies?

 

Strong Opinions, No Ideas

 


(Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com)

I've long since outgrown my blog. Not that I haven't been happy at Typepad -- I have! They've been great and I recommend them for so many reasons. But I have reasons to grow and move, so I will.

I need to make a lot of changes. My logo, so to speak, looks as if it had been designed by a five-year-old. Coincidentally, it was designed by a five-year-old.

 


I bought a new URL or two for my brand-spanking new version of this blog, which will be called something very close to Foolery.

I'm trying very hard to build the site at Squarespace.com; there is much to recommend about Squarespace if you're thinking of transferring your existing site or building a new one, but I'm not that far along yet, so ask me when it's all over.  Plus, nothing is never really easy when you have strong opinions but no ideas.

That's me in a nutshell: strong opinions, no ideas. That should probably be the subtitle.

Wish me luck as I try to build a new web site on my lunch hours.

I-I-I'm Ready! I-I-I'm Ready!

 

(Original photo stolen from this guy)

Are you ready kids?

Aye aye, Captain!

I can't heeeeeeeeear you . . .

AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!

 

(Original photo stolen from this guy)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

 

Who lives in a paradise down by the sea?

C B W!

 

Absorbent and mellow and gracious is she!

Big Hair Envy! 

 

If hangin' with bloggers be something you wish,

Mathews BlogFest! 

 

(Original photo stolen from Asthmagirl at Is My Cape Fluttering?)

Then drop what you're doin' and drink like a fish!*

Mathews BlogFest!

Ready?

Second annual!
Blogger gathering!
In Virginia!

Mathews BlogFest!

 

(Original photo stolen from Big Hair Envy)

Getting excited about the 2010 Chesapeake Bay Blogfest in Mathews, Virginia. Could you tell?

I'm in. Are you in?

*I know, I know, but it RHYMED. We don't really drink like fish at these things. Not as far as you know.

The Girlfriends Guide to Getting Up Early

So what were YOU doing this morning at 5:35?

 


I was dragging my carcass out of bed, through subzero California temperatures, off to the shower a full hour early. After making a cup of coffee and dumping some cereal into a bowl I schlepped off to the inhumane frigid air of my office and woke up my computer.

"Time for the webinar!" I told my Mac, just before 6:00. It made a snotty noise. Too early.

Deb at Lagniappe Marketing, the blog Bird on a Wire, and Heaven only knows what other organizations, has created a webinar called The Girlfriends Guide to the Business of Blogging, and it started yesterday. This audio seminar covers a lot of information and opinions about blogging, from business to personal. I have now listened to three sessions and been very impressed.

Hard to beat this morning's speaker, Marcy of The Glamorous Life Association, however. Marcy is one of my blogging buddies, but even with reading everything she posts and following her every move to the point of stalking, there was so much valuable material for bloggers in her presentation. Plus, who else can be clever and witty at 6:00 IN THE MORNING?! Certainly not moi.

I said I was gonna make a badge but after further thought I decided to frame it. I don't get up at that hour for anybody, Marcy, so this was BIG for me. HUGE.

 


In case you missed Marcy's webinar session, I Tweeted it live (hashtags: #GirlfriendsGuide and #GGTTBB), and my Twitter address is @foolery. Please try to listen to it if Deb releases the recording for purchase. Bloggers will NOT regret it. And contact Deb at GGTTBB to see what is still available; there are still a lot of exciting topics and speakers to come. And most of it happens after the sun rises here on the west coast -- bonus.

Thanks Deb and Marcy!

From the Draw Pile

The girls have been leaving mysterious drawings on my computer desktop over this year, which, because they are properly saved, I have ignored and saved "for later." Well, last night after getting home at 11:00, it was apparently "later," so I opened the drawings. This is one that Smedley drew the other day, entitled "Baby's Bath." It cracked me up.


"Baby's Bath" by Smedley, age 8 1/2, 8/18/09

I have posted a recent computer drawing from each of them at their blog, Baloney Girls, in case you'd like to see them.

Mathews Pipedream

Yes, I know, it's one more post about BlogFest. Deal with it. You might even like it! Play the video and read the new lyrics, below. Sing along raucously.




She was a level-headed blogger on the road to alcohol
And I was just a blogger, far from home and awfully tall
Well we loaded her Suburban
With lotsa beer and Diet Coke
Yeah, she gave me some cheese and a stack of CDs
And these are the words she spoke

Chorus:
Blow up your T.V., throw away your paper
Put away the laptop and the phone
Sit out in the garden, eat a lot of crab cakes
Blog all about it once you're home



(Created and posted by Meg of Soup Is Not a Finger Food)

Well, we drove around the county with our cameras going wild
Eating chips and drinking vino like it's goin' outta style
Well, we hung around the hot tub and we laughed 'til we turned blue
Yeah we sang our song all night long, tellin' us what to do

Chorus:
Blow up your T.V., throw away your paper
Build us a bonfire, photograph a storm
Do a lotta lounging, eat a lotta junk food
Try to get a signal for your phone



(Created and posted by Meg of Soup Is Not a Finger Food)

Well, I was tired and happy and about to leave that place
When just as we were leavin', well she looked me in the face
I said, "I'll be back here next year"
She said, "Do we have to wait 'til July?"
And to this very day we've been blogging away
And here is the reason why

Chorus:
We blew up the T.V., threw away the paper
Went to Virginia, down on the coast
Showed up a Come-Here, tryin' to be a From-Here
To the Blogfest bloggers, raise a toast

Original song "Spanish Pipedream" by John Prine; my apologies for tarnishing his brilliance.

Thanks to my Blogfest road trip buddy, Thelma, or was it Louise? Meg from Soup Is Not a Finger Food! And thanks for all the fun, my Blogfest buddies. Here's to all y'all!

Foolery's History of the World According to Bloggers

In the beginning, there was light.

Then came fire and pestilence and stuff, I forget the order . . . and then there was a garden. And God looked down and saw the garden and said, "Man, I'm gonna hafta MOW all that -- that's it! MAN."

And Man was created. Followed closely by Woman. And soon there was a Mower.

(Photo stolen from these guys)

And other things, like Boats and Spatulas. And then somebody invented Margaritas, which were naturally followed closely by Computers.

And God looked down and saw that it was Good.

But it could be better. Right? I mean, of course.

So God created The Internet. Sorry, Al Gore; you're a lot of things but you ain't God. And

BAM!!

before God could even say "LET THERE BE BLOGGERS" the People had organized and become Bloggers and then doing stuff just to blog about it and taking photos of it and what-all.

And God was a bit confused, but He saw that it was Good.

So He in His infinite wisdom put the bug in one Blogger's ear and said "LET THERE BE A KICK-ASS PARTY. IF YOU PLAN IT, THEY WILL COME."

And you know what? She did, and They did, and It was, and We were.

The End.

Until I clean the bathroom, after which I'll have LOTS to share with you about Chesapeake Bay Blogfest '09 in Mathews VA.

Hmmmm . . .

Going to Virginia in a matter of days. CHESAPEAKE BAY BLOGFEST 2009! I'm so excited. The to-do list is suddenly huge.

Pack my carry-on bag.

Lose fifteen . . . hundred pounds.

Get my hair cut.

Get a tan.

Put the cat out.

Become interesting.

Learn French.

Learn English.

Stop saying "vuh-CAY-shun" like Marge Simpson, or so I'm told by He Who Sleeps ALONE.

Practice my chit-chat, smalltalk and prattle.

Learn how to fake being a From Here, so I won't be pegged as the Come Here I am.

Work out the details with Miss Meg, who will be my travel buddy.

Get some sleep.

Stumbling In

Today we will learn about Stumbling. No, no -- put your hands down, please . . . not THAT kind of stumbling, which you learned well enough in college when the bars pushed you out onto the sidewalks. I'm looking at YOU, Anonymous.

No, the kind of Stumbling I will explain today is the GOOD kind. The kind that won't make your in-laws talk or bring your china cabinet down around your ears in the middle of a party. The GOOD kind of Stumbling happens on StumbleUpon.com.

A visual aid.

 

This is a blog. MomCrush at the Orange County Register, to be exact. We are going to Stumble this post, BECAUSE IT MADE US LAUGH A LOT, that's why. It did.

What is Stumble? It's like a thumbs up for things that you like, for whatever your reason.  How do you Stumble a post?  Well, you could Stumble a post if they have a button a the close of each post, as Suz does.

Or, you could install a StumbleUpon bar at the top of your screen, as I have done, which makes it oh-so-easy to Stumble something that strikes your fancy.  Like this:

Let me show you what getting Stumbled can do for your traffic on your web site. This is a shot of my stats this month. Now, don't get too excited. Each day is 100-200 hits, except for the spike. And guess what caused the spike. Give up? STUMBLE! Yup, I was Stumbled, by KitMama at Kitmama's Pensieve.

 

And you can see the difference that made. One day I got almost 1740 hits! Wow, talk about feeling like a rock star! Of course, it's up to you to make those new folks stick around, which I didn't do, *sigh.* But I'm sure you're better than I am at all that.

So go to Stumbleupon.com when the mood arises, and spread the love around. There are a lot of great blog posts out there -- let someone know about your favorite ones today. Someone may Stumble you tomorrow.

Thanks again, Kitmama!

Texasholly and Beavers and Donkey Noises Oh My!

I had no internet connection last night until I was too tired and apathetic to write anything, so I played mahjong instead. This is fascinating stuff, isn't it? And of the 10 unfinished posts in my drafts folder, none were good finished enough to waste spend any time on.

But someone was busy yesterday, someone named Texasholly. Usually she can be found at June Cleaver Nirvana, which you really ought to check out but not until I'm finished with this interminable sentence, okay? Thank you, I'm finished.



(Photo stolen from Texasholly herself. Illustration by Holly at June Cleaver Nirvana, which is where I stole it. From. Whatever.)

For those of you still here, go read one of the best of Texasholly's series Holly's Animated Life that I've ever seen. It's posted at a blog that's new to me, Smart Girl Nation. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave a comment there because I don't have a WordPress account (that'd be the ONLY account I don't have, since I am an avowed New Media Douchebag).





You will be making donkey noises like there's no tomorrow, or, if you're reading Holly's post on the sly, as I may have been but am not telling, you will be doing that painful silent laughter thing that results in wet eyes and sore (but not buffed) abs.

Have a pleasant and productive day. But first, go treat yourself to a donkey noise.

An Original Fairy Tale, I Swear

Once upon a time there was a happy little kingdom called Blog-ojovich  Bloggywood  Blog O'Sphere  St. Bloggus Onlinus. For the most part the peasants were all happy and productive (with bouts of rants and navel-gazing and the occasional absurd song stylings, but I did say mostly). And while there was no king, there were rather a few queens, but they mostly did their own thing and bothered no one. There was no blog police force; all problems were handled by the St. Bloggus peasants themselves. And it was good.

One day one of the peasants got a tip that another peasant was stealing her work and calling it her own! This was a serious problem in St. Bloggus, as you might imagine. For the peasants were not paid for their work (not bloody much, anyway), but did it for love, art and pride of ownership. Stealing another peasant's work was so uncool.



(Photo stolen from this guy)

So some of the more resourceful peasants dug around until they found out which peasant was copying work (from more than one peasant, I might add), and they found her: Miss Musing. Lots and lots of peasants got into the act and began searching the InterNuts for the name Miss Musing, and Lo, they found it on the page of the goofiest member of the kingdom, the court jester Foolery.



(Photo stolen from this guy)

Foolery had never been a threat before. In fact, few paid much attention to her lunatic ramblings. Yet suddenly, here she was, apparently harboring Internuts criminals, right in their midst! A missive from Good Miss Megan was sent forth to the idiot Foolery . . . . . .





And the whole thing was one big misunderstanding and wasn't the Musing we know and love AT ALL and yada yada yada . . . and I wouldn't have bothered any of you with any of this at all were it not for the fact that my own choice of words (adding Miss to Musing, for no good reason) could have potentially caused my friend Musing of Blogtations and In Three Words to be unfairly branded a plagiarist, which she is NOT. I referred to Musing recently -- TWICE -- as Miss Musing (the screen name of The Plagiarist), and that's where the trouble started. I have been making the rounds today, when I could (it's been a busy weeks already) trying to clear Musing's good name, and it seems no one is confused, for which I am glad. Plagiarism is a crap game and there is no place for it on the Internuts . . .



. . . or in St. Bloggus Onlinus, where good will and productivity again rule the day. And the peasants are again producing, and also making merry and tipping the wine, and margaritas, and boilermakers, and cough syrup, and --

AND WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END.

NOW GO TO SLEEP. RIGHT NOW.

AND DON'T GET UP AGAIN OR YOU'RE GROUNDED.

I MEAN IT.

Membership Has Its Privilege

You know that thing you said you'd never do? I mean, like, EVER?

Well . . . I did it.

MY thing I said I'd never do.  Yeah, I did it today.

I did it for money. Hopefully.

It wasn't that bad.

Don't get me wrong -- I did it once. Although, now I'm a member of THAT club.

Sigh. I'm a member of THAT club, which I never wanted to join.

Whatever.

Can't erase the past.

I did it because I need money.

And, maybe some good will come out of this, you know?

Maybe doing it will bring me some money.

Holy cows, I hope so.

Because I sold out.

Wait -- I don't mean to make it sound like I think the other people who . . . did it . . . that they are sell-outs, because I don't. Think that. I don't think that. That they sold out. I don't.

So.

Moving forward.

Now that I'm the new member of . . . that club.

BlogHer.

*shiver*

I said it. It's going to be fine.

I'm gonna go lie down.

BlogHer.

Yeah.



Just kidding. I'm turning over a new leaf, trying something new, and trying to do this Bloggyworld thing right. Here we go. Watch me fly.

Like I Can Limit Myself to Three Words

Do you know about In Three Words?

It's a new blog started by my blog buddy Musing,* who runs the blog Blogtations (which is a hotbed of great blog quotes, by the way, in case you've never been over there).  The point of In Three Words is to reduce an idea or experience down to it's barest essence -- three words. Not easy. Go read the About page for instructions and make it a stop, three times a week.

I swear no one paid me for this (as if they would).

*I have edited her name to her PROPER screen name, MUSING. I will explain the change in a post later today 4/21/09.

We All Know I Suck. But HOW MUCH Do I Suck?

Sometimes I find the weirdest stuff when I'm looking for pictures to pilfer from the Internuts.

Sometimes, like yesterday, I find this:



(Photo stolen from this site)

Now I know that my cat Campos is (probably) a Maine Coon, PLUS I now understand the weird little sound he makes.

And today, when I was looking for pictures of Tony Orlando & Dawn, I found this:

It was HIGH-larious, and especially compelling since Maureen Johnson, the woman behind the ten easy steps, is a REAL WRITER. Of books and everything. Not just pretend songs, like, oh, someone I know -- someone who spends her valuable time looking for pictures of Tony Orlando & Dawn. Someone who sucks.

But there -- see how I just did that? That is Maureen's Easy Step #7 --

7. BROOD A LOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SUCK.

I'm learning already!

But that's not why I told you all of that (although truly, GO READ Maureen Johnson's post. From two years ago. It's that good). I told you all of that so I could tell you THIS:

Maureen Johnson is my new secret blog crush, maybe. I think, anyway. Heck, it's been only about nine hours -- whaddaya want from me, blood?! Maureen has started a new Ning site, which is a start-your-own social networking site, kind of like Facebook, only hipper. And more hip. More hippish.  GAHHH, the pressure!

Good little New Media Douchebag that I am, I joined in a flash. Then sat there. Now what? I asked the empty room.

NOW . . . I will be blogging every day in April. Maureen has started a challenge, cleverly called BEDA, to Blog Every Day in April. I sort of prefer BEDIA, myself, but no one asked me.

So this is it. My April 1st blog post.  Like it? Buy it!

Please consider Blogging Every Day in April. And if you do, come join Maureen Johnson and her merry band of bloglodytes, of which I am perhaps the newest and least substantial member. Worship me!



(Photo stolen from this guy)

Stopping By Perez Hilton on a Snarky Evening

Whose blog this is I think I know.
I thought it was iVillage though;
No one will see me stopping here
To watch the list of comments grow.

My little Mac must think it queer
To stop and read at this site, here
Elijah Wood and Rikki Lake?
I think I need to crack a beer.

I give my sleepy head a shake
I'm sure this stop is a mistake.
I need to dust, I need to sleep
But . . . Brit did WHAT?! . . . I'm such a flake.

The posts are racy, hardly deep.
And I have promises to keep,
And piles of crap I need to sweep,
And piles of crap I need to sweep.




With thanks to perezhilton.com. Original poem stolen from The Poetry Foundation

Robert Frost, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” from The Poetry of Robert Frost, edited by Edward Connery Lathem. Copyright 1923, �© 1969 by Henry Holt and Company, Inc., renewed 1951, by Robert Frost. Reprinted with the permission of Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

Source: The Random House Book of Poetry for Children (1983)