Yes, I know -- I'm clever as all get-out, and
you just can't imagine where I come up withthis sh stuff, right? But I didn't
make it up, I swear. No, that little bit of brilliance is owed tofast-typing
AP journalist Liz Sedoti, who forgot to turn off her spell-checker-word-replacer thingy (I'm quite the techie).
This is the sentence fromyesterday's articlethat came through Yahoo news:
"As of today, more than 4 million people have
given me their vote for president, that's of course, less than Senator
moccasin's 4.7 million, but quite a statement
"Wow," I said to myself as I read this.
"Romney must be bitter to come up with a snarky nickname for his opponent! Not
a very good snarky nickname, but a snarky nickname just the
And then I realized the journalistic
prize bonanza I had been handed -- Romney didn't say moccasin; this was
a TYOP! I mean a TYPO! And I was the only one tosee it,other than that
journalist's mother, who I'm absolutely sure proofreads all of her
daughter's work withinseconds of it hitting the wires. Poor Liz Sedoti. And
the tyop is in a run-on sentence to boot.
Thinking quickly, I copied the sentence
and e-mailed it to Gubby. I was hoping he'd open his Grab program -- it's a Mac
thing, and I don't have a Mac at work, goldurnit -- and I had hoped Gubby could
grab a shot of that article before they fixed it BUT --
It was not to be. They fixed it within
So, sadly, Liz Sedoti and her mother and
I are the only three people who saw John McCain's new nickname
first-hand.You'll have to trust me on this. Hey, it's anelection
year -- it shouldn't be TOO hard to suspend disbelief, right?
Although, as a reluctant voter (I vote, I just
wish I could stay in bed with the covers over my head instead), I don't feel so
super. I feel like an Absentee Voter.
Maybe it's because 40 years from now, when my
grandchildren visit me in the sanitarium to ask me who I voted for in this big,
fat, HUGE primary of 2008, I don't want to be the one who voted for the wrong
guy*. I don't want to be the Dewey supporter. I don't want to be the Goldwater
fan. I'm conflicted.
This morning on "The Today Show," Meredith Vieira interviewed Al Sharpton. The topic was Don Imus's return to the airwaves, and whether or not Imus should be allowed to broadcast again after his very public bad behavior and the subsequent backlash.
Vieira: "Do YOU believe in redemption?"
Sharpton: "Oh, absolutely. But redemption comes with repentance and full disclosure."
Yeah, Al, and the three Duke lacrosse players are still waiting for both of those from you. Bigot.
-------------- "The incident: dog excrement found on the roof and windows of the Romney station wagon. How it got there: Romney strapped a dog carrier — with the family dog Seamus, an Irish Setter,
it — to the roof of the family station wagon for a twelve hour drive from Boston to Ontario, which the family apparently completed, despite Seamus's rather visceral protest."
Didn't Nixon do the same thing with Henry Kissinger on a vacation journey to Disneyland?
"Henry Kissinger" (Composer: Eric Idle, from "Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album")
Henry Kissinger How I'm missing yer You're the doctor of my dreams With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare And your machiavellian schemes I know they say that you are very vain And short and fat and pushy but at least you're not insane Henry Kissinger How I'm missing yer And wishing you were here.
Henry Kissinger How I'm missing yer You're so chubby and so neat With your funny clothes and your squishy nose You're like a German parakeet All right so people say that you don't care But you've got nicer legs than Hitler And bigger tits than Cher Henry Kissinger How I'm missing yer And wishing you were here.
Just for fun, go to this web site and take this
quiz. It's 25 multiple choice questions, and it goes fast. The quiz was
designed (in 1994, which is why the political figures in it are out of date) to
determine where you fall on the political scale, liberal to
I won't tell you the weight of the scale -- you
have to take the quiz to find that out -- but I'll tell you that I was rated a
24, which is probably about right. Leave me a comment or e-mail me and let me
know where you fall on the scale.
I've spent a lot of time
this week reading people's opinions of the Imus affair
And I have some comments.
First, for disclosure,
I am . . .
white female conservative by nature liberal on
occasion a native Californian, which tends to liberalize one's social
views mouthy as hell when I get my dander up never an Imus
viewer/listener, other than a few Dwight Yoakam clips
WHAT I BELIEVE:
-- It is never okay to use the words Imus used, or any other racial
slurs and slang. -- There is no such thing as "reverse racism." Racism is
racism. -- "Just joking" is not a defense I let my children get away with
much. -- Good people aren't nice to the guests but mean to the waiter. Good
is good, mean is mean. -- Private citizens minding their own business are
not acceptable targets for slings and arrows -- the basketball team had no idea
they were going to be socio-political representatives last week, and had no
forum to fight back. -- Public figures -- especially elected officials and
media darlings (include Imus and Rev. 1 and Rev. 2 in this) -- have made
themselves available for public scrutiny of their public behavior. They need to
suck it up. -- IF IT'S OKAY to use hateful words (like the N-word, Whitey,
Cracker, and several others) because you're "being casual" and "just joking,"
then it's just as okay to display SYMBOLS of racial hatred, such as white hoods,
swastikas, burning crosses, and the rebel flag. -- Jesse Jackson and Al
Sharpton are no more "reverend" than I am, and I'm a non-believer. -- Imus
may do wonderful things for the world -- I understand he does and he is to be
commended. But don't forget the phrase "Hitler made the trains run on time." No,
I don't think Imus is anywhere near as bad as Hitler -- of course not. I'm just
saying that it's not okay to "buy off" your bad behavior with money and good
deeds. If that were true then sleazebuckets like Jack Abramoff, et
al, would NEVER pay for their sins, instead of just RARELY pay for their
sins. -- MSNBC, and now CBS, had every right to fire Imus. We don't have to
like it or agree with them (I do agree with them, from what I've read of it),
but they are businesses and they have the right to say he crossed their line and
they no longer want him to represent them. We have the right to boycott them,
and any of their advertisers we wish to.
Additionally, it is apparently
okay with the American public to malign Jewish men. See Rev. Jackson's comments
and Imus's previous anti-Semitic remarks.
To all the good people of the USA, the UK, NATO,
Amnesty International, Condoleeza Rice, the UN, ABC, BBC, CBC, CBS, CNN, NBC,
SNL, LMNOP, and anyone else who may have been chagrinned by the recent hanging
We are sorry. Truly, we are. As the new Iraqi
government we are making a lot of mistakes, we know, but this is kind of new to
We know it isn't typical to pop the top off of
someone on the gallows, but it was an accident. Though, as accidents go, we
weren't THAT upset . . .
No no no, sorry, we really bungled it, and we
realize that. On the upside, it was easy to get the coffin into the back of a
Scratch that -- sorry. We TOTALLY GET that we
handled things poorly, and it won't happen again. It's just that we haven't had
the reins of power for that long, and, well, how were WE supposed to know that
you shouldn't make a noose out of high-test fishing line? Saddam's hangmen --
man, talk about a large group! They could start their own country! -- have all
been strung up themselves, or have left the country. So we didn't have any
experts to consult.
But we have learned from our mistakes, and we
will do better next time. Next time, we'll call someone from Texas to help us
With Sincere Regret And Humility,
Just Call Me "Steve,"
Some Guy In The New Iraqi Government Who Has Not
Been Cleared To Talk To The Press
The election is over. I voted -- mostly so I could look my parents in the eyes, not because I felt moved to do so. It must be a character flaw -- I’m sure it is -- but the more contentious things become, the more I tend toward depression, apathy, cynicism, and denial. It took all my strength just to stop at Hamilton High School on my way home tonight to hand in my absentee ballot.
So I voted. Mostly “no.”
Do I have any regrets? I regret that while I was impressing upon my daughters the importance of voting, I was just phoning it in. I regret that I had less passion about this vote, by far, than I did about which shoes to wear this morning. And I regret that Clint Eastwood won’t be calling me anymore.