(Photo stolen from this site)
I'm certain I shouldn't be running the country.
That could be why no one has asked me to take over, but it's only a guess. Still, I have several ideas for how to handle the current banking crisis.
Let's look at the AIG debacle just revealed, shall we? That's a company getting a BUTTLOAD of money from the government, right? So what was revealed this weekend -- they're giving the very people in their company who worked in the problem part of the company (that would be the part who handled anything other than mops and toilet paper, presumably) BIG FAT RAISES!
Yes, you heard about this, right? Obama's ticked off. I'll just bet Mrs. Obama is steamed! I know I am.
Here's what they say about it, and please hear this in the voice of a six-year-old who doesn't want to go to bed:
". . . but we CA-A-AN'T just not give them their BO-O-O-ONUSES; they have CO-O-O-ONTRA-A-A-ACTS!"
Let's ask a few random United Auto Workers about honoring contracts, shall we? Hey boys, how're your pensions looking these days? Perhaps the AIG weenies would like to talk to some UAW folks to find out how best to break those contracts?
Oh, I see, so you've ALREADY given them their bonuses? Please, feel free to choose one of these solutions, then.
- Employees may choose to receive their bonuses . . . or keep their jobs. Good luck out there on the job market when the name AIG shows up on your resume.
- Employees can have their bonuses in ten easy installments, which must be picked up at the local unemployment office. I predict gauntlets will form.
- Employee bonuses will take the form of AIG stock. Yeah, good luck with that.
- Employees eligible for bonuses will be made offers they can't refuse to opt out of -- willingly, of course.
- Names of employees receiving bonuses will be publicized.
- All AIG bonuses will be subtracted from all monies paid to AIG executives so the net loss to the taxpayers is zero.
I'm sure I could keep going, but I'd like to keep a few in reserve for when the administration calls to ask my advice.