Foolery

Please Mark Your Calendars Accordingly

One of my favorite posts ever, from way back before anyone but Mom read Fooleryland, is featured today at TheSmartly.com, "Green Eggs and Ham Deconstructed." I'll bet you didn't know I could read, did you?



And be sure to check in Friday morning, when you will be treated to a completely vile and disgusting (and very much true) LaGrone family story, well-told by my brother Mantel Man. It's got all the classic elements of a good story: cows, stress, mothers waking you up in the middle of the night, and poo.

"Talk Show Bob"

Another television commercial done for our client, Mt. Shasta Spring Water. We do one animated spot for them every spring -- my co-worker Robb and I write the spot, then Robb (the genius) creates it. All of his animations for this client can be found on our YouTube channel. Hope you enjoy it!

And I have posted another story on Smartly today. If you have a minute, check it out, please!

Bet You Didn't Know I Was Even Remotely Smartly . . . Or Humbled

   


If you'd like to know the significance of this statue, click over to Smartly and read my post from Tuesday, July 27. I'm sort of proud of it and junk.

Good Passport Photos Are Tough Sleddin'

Who, me? I'm not going anywhere. I just like to be prepared. Can't trust the DMV or the CIA  or the FBI to take quality shots of Yours Truly. These things are delicate.
 
My quest continues. Obviously.

Foolery Gets Stuck In Your Head

    

Thanks once again to Miss Marcy at The Glamorous Life Association for giving me something to post today. I swear I steal more from Marcy than I've ever thought of on my own, in four years of blogging.

"Making" this little video was really fun and very easy and I can see me wasting tons of time making more when I should be scrubbing toilets. First watch mine below, then go see Marcy's version, then make your own! (Thanks for the tip, Miss Glam.)

The Chico Salvation Army Video Project

I've been living with one client in my head for a good chunk of the year.

This spring we were handed the kind of project I dream about. The Salvation Army of Chico has an angel in their midst who funded the production of two videos they can use to educate the public and to raise funds for their good works. I was fortunate to be able to write the scripts and help in the editing process -- the stuff I'd do every day if I could.

The hard part for me was that I had to come up with the structure on my own. We usually start with a script and gather footage and photos according to its dictates, but we had to work backwards this time. We interviewed the people whose lives had been changed with the help of the Chico Salvation Army's drug and alcohol rehabilitation program; we witnessed them as they told their stories in their own ways. Then I fashioned the script that became the frame from which their stories hung.

It was one of the most challenging and most satisfying projects I've ever worked on.

Here is the first video, which profiles on Jodene, who is not only a graduate of the rehabilitation clinic, but who is also now a member of the Chico Salvation Army's administrative team. This video runs 7:20 and focuses on the spiritual aspect of the program. Captain Darren Stratton is featured in both videos, and I have to say that we did very little editing of his appearance. The man is very bright, focused, dedicated and prepared, and whole pages of information spill out of him when the cameras are turned on.

The second video is longer at 9:47, and is centered around the way the Salvation Army helps our community. It also makes a stronger appeal for fund-raising than does the first video. The man featured on camera, Daniel, graduated during our production, and our video director Robb was there. (Robb is the true talent here, doing all of the camera work, the editing, visual effects, the audio, and designing the look and feel of the videos. I'm lucky to get to work with someone so talented and exacting.)

Finally, Robb created a public service announcement for local TV and cable.

Thanks for indulging me. This project has been a huge part of my life this year and I'm a little sad to see it end.

Look At Me! I'm Not a Narcissist!

 
(Photo stolen from this site)

My friend Gubby must be trying to tell me that I have narcissistic tendencies, because he keeps directing me to Dr. Drew Pinsky's on-line narcissism test. I have my doubts about whether this test was actually designed by Dr. Drew -- *sigh* Dr. Drew! *sigh* -- because, you know, INTERNET, but okay, I finally took the test. Here's what it informed me.

 
(Photo stolen from these guys)

Your score is 4

Subtext: are you sure you're breathing?

Maximum is 40.
Average for Americans is 15.

Highest tested celebrity is Robin Quivers, with 34.

ME: Robin what now?


Your score for Authority is LOW
Your score for Self-sufficiency is LOW
Your score for Superiority is LOW
Your score for Exhibitionism is LOW
Your score for Exploitativeness is LOW
Your score for Vanity is MEDIUM

Your score for Entitlement is LOW

Subtext: Jeebus, you're dull. We should just come to your house and kill you now, you worthless piece of --

ME: Vanity is MEDIUM? Really? Has anyone SEEN me lately? That's good for a laugh.


 

(Photo stolen from these guys)


Thanks for the quiz, Dr. Drew. I'm not a narcissist, but now I am wondering if I should be in therapy.

Bock Bock Bock

(Photo stolen from this site)

I have finally written a post at my other blog, Reasonably Educated Bumpkins!

I'm sure they think I fell down a well or something, since it's been all summer without a post from me. But here is the link, and if you like chickens, this one's for you.

And if you don't like chickens, what is wrong with you?

A Blog Is A Blog, No Matter How Small, Dude

(Original cover stolen from this guy)

I finally posted at my other, other blog, Reasonably Educated Bumpkins.  Yes, I know -- you've never heard of it, and that's because I write about my home, my town, my valley, there, and really?  It's pretty boring.  But I like some of what I've written there very much, so I keep feeding it, once every six months whether I need to or not.  And tonight I posted some modestly pretty pictures of trees and dirt.
So if you feel like reading anything poignant, thinky, or otherwise smart, I'm sorry, you need to go read somewhere else.  I spent my evening reading Horton Hears a Who in the manner of Cheech and Chong, instead of my usual Snotty French Waiter accent, and I'm beat.  Zees eez eet pour moi; I'm going to bed, Holmes.

"Fair For All -- Butts"

(Photo stolen from this guy)

My brain is officially fried from work today, so I'm not making a lot of sense. I'll make this quick.

Here are two radio spots I wrote last fall, which were approved over the winter, recorded this spring, and aired this summer. No, things do not normally take that long; in fact, often we turn things around in a matter of hours. But these were public service announcements with a grant paying for them, so many more hoops need to be navigated in such instances.

The goal of the group is to eliminate smoking at county and state fairs, for two reasons: the effects of second-hand smoke in a tight crowd, and the carcinogenic litter of cigarette butts near fair animals.

I wrote both of these in half an hour at the request of my boss, who I think was testing me. Pass.

The first spot was voiced by my childhood friend Brian, who does television promo and movie trailer voice overs in Hollywood, and he was also the Announcer Guy voice for "Mad TV," the last I knew.

Download CAHC Fair For All -- Butts (#1178)

The second one was voiced by a much less qualified (and, let's face it, FREE) talent. Let's see if you recognize her.

Download CAHC Fair For All -- Smoke (#1179)

Sounds like a transvestite with a serious caffeine buzz having a hissy fit, dunnit?  Oh well, the client was happy, my boss was happy, and I was happy. Problem solved.

Damn, I thought animals LIKED cigarette butts. There goes my cat food budget.

Compelling News From Bloggywood

BLOGGYWOOD --  Foolery test-fired more long-range missiles overnight in a second round of exercises meant to show that the blog can defend itself against any attack by other nearby blogs, state television reported Thursday.  The weapons have "special capabilities" and included missiles launched from Foolery's driveway, along with torpedoes and surface-to-surface missiles, the broadcast said.  It did not elaborate.  A brief video clip showed several of Foolery's most recent attempts.

The report came hours after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned Foolery that Washington will not back down in the face of threats against, oh, say, Letter W.

"We are sending a message to Foolery that we will defend blogging interests and the interests of Mommy Pie, Confused Hero At Large, and others," Rice said Thursday in Georgia at the close of a three-day Eastern European trip.

The director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency, Lt. Gen. Henry Obering, said Foolery's missile tests have emphasized the urgency of going ahead with plans to place a proposed U.S. missile defense system in Bloggywood.

Among the missiles Foolery said she tested Wednesday was a new version of the Huminah-Huminah-Huminah, which officials have said has a range of 1,250 words and is armed with a really snarky rant.

That would put The Mom Bomb, The Mental Pause Chronicles, Ask Grandma J Anything, Just Jessie and OK, Where Was I? all within striking distance.

Wednesday's missile tests were conducted at the corner of Geez and Oh My GAHH, a strategic super-secret location through which up to 40 percent of the world's bullshit passes. Foolery has threatened to shut down traffic wherever her influence might reach, which could include 6th Avenue, if attacked.

In other news, Foolery has 22 minutes to decide how to spend the last 22 minutes of her 42nd year.  She has ruled out watching her age roll over on her long-neglected MySpace page, as that would be pathetic, and besides?  That was SO two years ago.  She's thinking that maybe wrestling with Typepad's fancy-schmancy new compose editor is just the ticket.

Chroma Key And You: More Than You Ever Wanted To Not Understand

Yeah, I suppose it's time for a change.  And since change comes from within, but I'm way too lazy to do anything like that, I'll just dig through the couch for loose pocket change.  In the form of a new profile picture.

I work -- did I mention I do that?  Because I do that, sometimes -- at an advertising agency of diminutive size but of large talent and experience.  I represent mostly the LARGE portion.  Anyway, we have a chroma key wall, against which people are sometimes videotaped or photographed.  Remember the Maisie Jane's TV commercial I bored you to tears with showed you back in October?  That was all shot against this hideous green wall.  I don't know how to explain it well, so I'll do it my way.

Have you ever been watching a local newscast, and the weather guy's tie kind of disappears and becomes part of the weather map he's pretending to stand in front of?  He's really standing in front of a bilious green (sometimes electric blue) wall, just like this one.  It's called chroma key, and the idea is to use a color that doesn't appear in Nature or sensible fashion, and then you tell the camera to "ignore" it (first you have to tell the idiot weather man not to WEAR it, however).  Then you can drop in whatever image or video you want behind the person -- a weather map, election coverage graphics, or, my personal favorite a la "Whose Line Is it, Anyway?" a herd of stampeding elephants.

Anyway, the guy at our agency who represents the TALENT portion, is good at lighting and chroma key-ing.  I am neither.  So Friday as I finished up at work I thought I'd take a few self-portraits, then take them home and key out the green to a nice flattering eggshell or something.  HA!  Again, HA!  Way too hard.  Got to get the tolerance just exactly right or large portions of your hair disappear.  Also?  It would help if I had actually had the studio lights hooked up.  I turned one on but it made such a sharp shadow that there really was no point.  Some day I'll have our resident genius photograph me, but until then, here's what you're getting:



I wasn't kidding about the bilious green.  This is me trying to be something or someone more interesting.  It didn't take.



So, I cropped out all of the nasty green.  This is me trying to be blurry.  Also, sort of self-effacing and vulnerable.  NEXT.




This is me smiling my "Holy frijoles, just get this over with" smile.  This smile is known by several uncharitable names which I can't mention on a PG-rated blog.  This smile will get you through life.  So far, so good.

There you go, Bob Cleveland -- you shamed me into it; I smiled.

I still like the top one best, if I can only get rid of that green.

. . . And World Peace, And --

I received an award today!  This is very exciting to me.  My blogging friend Jessie awarded me a "You make Me Smile" award.  Sniff.  I'd like to thank the members of The Academy . . .



Actually, truth be told, it's the fifth award I've received this week.  I don't like to brag, but I'm kind of a big deal, you know?  Here are the other coveted awards I've received in the past seven days (two of them, strangely, were wrapped in newspapers with dead fish):









Okay that last one I made up.  Thank you, I love you all!

The Long And The Short Of It

Cleaning out some old photos and crap from my computer at work.  Here are some pictures of me.

 

This is me about a year ago.  I was a hairball.  It's nothing new; I've always been a hairball (or, more aptly, a Hair Farmer who never got paid for her crop).  Something had to change.  So, I cut me some bangs.

 

As you can see, it wasn't thrilling.  So I went medieval on my hair and cut it off pretty short . . .

 

Do you see the difference?

 

Long . . .

 

Short . . .

Long . . .

Short . . .

 

Maybe it's just me, but I think I look all perky and professional now.  Of course, I'll have to do something to screw it up, 'cause that's what I do.

Pictures! Not Here, But Somewhere!

I have posted more pictures, but this time over at my other blog (the one about what it's like to be a total hick).

I'd post it here, too, but I'm slower'n molasses on a winter's day.  See, Ah've been a-prac-tizing muh hick tawk.  You may commence the tomato lobbing forthwith.

Laurie