(Photo stolen from these guys)
Last night we were eating pasta, and SOMEONE was eating a bit noisily.
"Try eating as if The Queen were watching you," I said. "Or your grandmother."
"Can I suck the noodles up like spaghetti?" Sparky asked.
"No," I said. "That's what I'm trying to get you NOT to do. Imagine there's a man outside with a gun, and if he hears you eating, he'll come in and get you." A bit crude on my part, but they saw the opportunity for imaginative play. Or so I thought.
"What if he hears me clank the fork against the dish?" asked Smedley.
"No," I said triumphantly. "He can hear only slurps and smacks and food sounds."
"That's gotta suck," said Sparky.
The Queen fainted.