Best Epic Event to Blow Off Since Y2K

(Photo stolen from these guys)

The solar eclipse just rolled through, and correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that the biggest NONevent in the history of This Weekend?

I mean really. We live in the prime viewing zone for the thing, and *meh*. There were people who drove over SIX. MILES. to view it, or so I heard.

SUCKERS.

My daughters and I were out helping my dad put the door on the latest wing of his Winchester Mystery Bird House: The Chicken Wing, when we noticed that the light hitting grandpa had a rusty, metallic look to it. It's possible it was just my dad's effect on the sun, but we decided to be good sports anyway, and walk home to make a Pinhole Eclipse Viewing Thingy©.

Sparky opted to stay inside, close to the kitchen, when she found out Daddy had made corn on the cob for dinner, but Smedley and I rallied to the cause. We stabbed a sheet of paper, rushed outside, turned our backs to the solar mashup happening in the west, and . . . well, I tried to be Science Mom, but inside I was thinking, yeah. That's it, Smed. I'm pretty sure it's a big deal if your moniker ends in onomer or ologist or irley McLaine, but I'll wait for the internutz to spew forth the  PhotoShopped  spectacular versions, already showing up now.

But wait, what about all the stories we've been told about ancient people thinking solar eclipses were omens?

I Googled sloar eclispe effects on ancient poeple, then I did it right, and here's what I read:

"The Emperor Zhong Kang supposedly beheaded two astronomers, Hsi and Ho, who failed to predict an eclipse 4000 years ago."

"Eclipses have been interpreted as omens, or portents. The ancient Greek historian Herodotus wrote that Thales of Miletus predicted an eclipse that occurred during a war between the Medians and the Lydians. Both sides put down their weapons and declared peace as a result of the eclipse."

REALLY.

Forgive me my lack of imagination, but I'm having a hard time picturing Zhong Kang losing his cool over slightly rusty sunlight and fuzzy shadows. (Hsi and Ho must have deserved it.) So ancient people looked up and said, "Hey Shirley McLaine*, do you see what I see? The sunlight is 25% less intense! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!" And if eclipses could stop wars, Hell, we should have sent a lot of umbrellas into orbit YEARS ago.

I'm not usually such a troglodyte**, but I missed the word "annular" in all of the media build-up to this eclipse, so I was expecting something a bit more noticeable -- relative darkness and maybe a healthy downpour of frogs or blood or something. The average unprepared  Luddite  person, lacking good equipment and a scientist on hand, may have had the same experience we did.


(Photo stolen from these guys)

But things were looking up: there was still the corn on the cob.

*Thanks to Daryl for pointing out that I originally butchered the spelling of Shirley McLaine's name (DUHHHH)!

**Two things: I am sometimes such a troglodyte, but I'm also kind of pulling your leg here.

Comments

[foolery]

Oh, it was a big deal, Daryl, but unless you had equipment that could capture images like the one I found for the post, we simply experienced fuzzy-edged shadows and slightly dimmed sunshine.

And you dont remember Shirley McLean, who shows up on mountain tops for major celestial events, and has been everyone from Cleopatra to Ghenghis Khan in past lives? Im sure shes been present for every eclipse thats ever happened!

[Daryl aka Big Apple]

who is shirley mclean? and you mean this was not a big deal at all? i am so glad because you know if it had been viewable from here, my sky, yes, i think of it as my sky, would have been cloudy, overcast, black, no stars, no nuttin' .. so i am glad it wasnt all that and whipped creme... fresh corn did you say?

[Kyddryn]

Yup - it was a non-event here. The denizens of Casa de Crazy didn't even get a slight dimming of the light...I was too busy cleaning up baby vomit (yay), the Evil Genius was holed up in his room staring at YouTube videos on his iThingy, and Someone was...well, he was up to something, I'm sure.

And we're Pagan. These things are supposed to be a big deal to us.

In my defense, we were just on the line of viewability and probably wouldn't have seen anything anyway.

Isn't "annular" how sugar comes in the bag?

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who may actually be about to think of considering the possibility of maybe finally getting abck into the blue nowhere and even blogging regularly again. Gawds, how I miss you!)

[Marcy Massura]

My god. I love your writing.