Even Death Has a Bye Week Once in a While

The boy who stayed at our house last night last night informed me, after the kids had been sacked out for ten minutes, that he sometimes starts coughing when he's asleep. "Not too often," said Ralph [not his real name]. "Maybe once a week, or twice." This didn't seem important enough for all three kids to get up to tell me.

"Okay," I said.

"You don't understand, Mom," Smedley interjected.

"Yeah, when Ralph coughs he needs water right away, Mom!" said Sparky. Still no reaction from their unconcerned mother (me).

"And if he doesn't get water, he passes out," Smedley offered. Passing out while lying in bed -- what's the problem?

"All three of you have water, right?" I asked.

"Yes, but Mom? If he doesn't get water in time, he passes out!" Sparky reiterated.

"I heard that," I said, but I was cut off.

"And I could die," Ralph stated flatly. Then he coughed.

"He could DIE, Mom!" chorused my daughters.

"Really," I said, but I was thinking, that would just be our luck, right? "Well, how do you handle it at home, Ralph?" I asked. This would have been good information to have a handle on before 9:30 p.m. And he told me that one or another of his siblings was always in the room with him, to wake him up so he could drink water so he wouldn't pass out so he wouldn't die.

"Oh," I said.

"I have a plan, Mom!" Smedley exclaimed. "When Ralph starts coughing I'll throw my inflatable ball down at him -- the one with sand in the bottom that I got at the circus? -- because I'll be up above him in the bunk bed."

"Good plan," I said. It's good to have a plan. "Okay, goodnight everybody. No coughing, no passing out, and no dying tonight, okay?" A chorus of goodnights.

All three kids were at the table for pancakes this morning. I like to think it's the lure of my homemade pancakes that kept Ralph alive, but I think it was probably just a bye week for Death.

Comments

[foolery]

Yes, please do stay away from the water, SK -- its too pure for our kind. You could DIE.

Party on, SK.

[Suburban Kamikaze]

Sometimes this blog makes me laugh so hard I start coughing and have to get a drink right away. But not water. And I never imagined I could actually die laughing. Still, not a bad way to go.

Party on, Reaper.

SK

[foolery]

Exactly what I thought, Meg. Probably right, which is why I went along with the great Plan and shooed them to bed. But I jumped out of my skin when the phone rang at 10:30 and it was Ralphs father, apologetically asking me to wake Ralph up and put him on the phone. It was all but impossible to wake Ralph up. Turns out it was just a where the HAY did you put my car keys call, but I needed a sedagive after that.

[Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food]

That reminds me of the time I hosted one of those at-home "parties" where you tell your friends they don't have to buy anything but you really want them to? And my one friend showed up at the door, stepped into my foyer, went *sniff, sniff* and said, "Do you have a cat? Because I'm extremely allergic to cats." And we did have a cat! But if you were deathly allergic to cats, wouldn't you ask that question and make your attendance contingent on a negative reply? Yeah, me too. She left immediately.

My point (I think I have one here) is that is this something the kid's parents mentioned? Because it seems right up there with "allergic to gluten / dairy / peanuts / CATS" in my book. That whole, "I might die" thing.

[Daryl aka Big Apple]

so who is Death playing next week, I want to be ready in case its here ..

[foolery]

I have a feeling the 8-year-olds I know would consider my attempt to gross them out as an added attraction, Pierre.

[Pierre Lafrance]

Please allow me to share with you the ingenious protocol we devised and implemented for whenever someone(s) request(s) the privilege of being an overnight guest chez Lafrance. After making an imprint of their medical insurance card, we ask them to fill a five-page medical history form and to sign an organ donor consent form. We have a well-appointed guest bedroom. In a corner, we keep a cooler chest filled with crushed ice and in which are various containers labeled eyes, heart, brain, liver, kidneys and "naughty bits". Trust you me, the word quickly spreads on the grapevine. After a few takes, the demand for accommodation at our downtown Indianapolis condo has reached an all-time low.