No-Punctuation Wednesday on a Monday: Valentine's Day Buying Tips

So you may be wondering
Hey Foolery you wonder
Hey Foolery why are you writing a Valentines Day buying tip post when the day in question is nearly over on the east coast and all of us smarties have long since bought or boycotted V Day treats
you wonder
and I say to you
Because this is not about buying treats for OTHER PEOPLE although to make this work you have to use that cover story
it IS about
are you ready for this
buying treats FOR YOU

AHAAAAA you say
So tell us more O Foolery My Foolery
and here goes

Go Valentines Day shopping ON Valentines Day
I suggest CVS Pharmacy or Walgreens or similar where everything is largely picked over and the specials are two for one or something and you pick out some schlock that will make the kids happy like a chocolate dog in a doghouse
really I am not kidding
I guess because nothing says Valentines Day like being in the dog house


photo stolen from these guys

and then you get the requisite bottle of champagne or sixer of Bud or whatever your sweetie is into and then you go BACK TO THE CANDY AISLE
this is important
you must be seen looking frantic with at least one nonValentines item in your basket
for me it was pecans although SURPRISE that is part of my gift to my husband because I am incredibly romantic like that
and then you find the two for one truffles or whatever it is youre into and you sigh heavily as you put a couple of those babies into your basket
making sure you let the other last minute Nellies in the aisle aware that you forgot Grandma again or your boss likes these or whatever lame excuse you can muster
and you proceed to the checkout line with a harried expression
Oh Woe Is Me Look At Me So Late With My Basket Full Of Stuff
and you really sell it
and you get away with a bag of heart shaped Snickers or some crap you really do not need but
WANT WANT WANT

If you wait a day then everyone knows its all for you anyway so go right now
RIGHT NOW DAMMIT
and Happy Exploitative Candy Wielding Passive Aggressive Holier Than Thou Smug Bitchy Holiday Day to you
love
Foolery

Comments

[Rick's Cafe]

If only I could had this kind of grammer education when I was young....I coulda been a contenda!

[boB Cleveland]

And stopping to reflect on things I am forced to confess that colon usage most frequently follows a dash

If you get my drift

Which also might account for the fact that we watch TV in the spare bedroom which is now the computer room with the smallish TV immediately across from a bathroom despite the fact that there sits in the living room a humongouser plasma flat screen thing

[foolery]

OH bOB YOU MADE MY DAY AND I AM YELLING IT HOWs YOUR COLON

ha ha ha ha

[boB Cleveland]

Not to mention I am indeed a lot bitchier now than I was whilst young

[boB Cleveland]

Old age is really a good time to read stuff like this as when I was young it seems that periods were of major concern if you get my drift whereas now in my old age there is a lot more attention paid to colons than periods

If you get my drift