Sibling Revelry

Gubby has been trying to get me to write a post called "Redneck Feng Shui," which is a fantastic premise, but I told him, No, Gubby, I am not a Redneck and I don't know anything about Feng Shui.
 
(Photo stolen from Ann Rea, who may be a good source to learn about Feng Shui)

So I tried to get GUBBY to write the post for me, since he IS a Redneck, but he doesn't know anything about Feng Shui, either, except something about gun placement in relation to outside doors or something -- I dunno, I wasn't paying attention.

 

(Photo stolen from these guys)

So instead, I'm going to tell you about locking one's brothers out of the house.

Both Gubby and I, when we were kids, had two pesky younger brothers in our families, only his were worse because they were identical twins. I don't know exactly how that makes them worse, but it did. It seems that Gubby, as I, practiced the art of Locking Your Brothers Out of the House.

This is tricky, because there are two of them, and only one of you.

First, you must go to the farthest doors as quietly and carefully as you can, locking them without being noticed. (This first step is usually a moot point, since the moment you usually decide to lock your brothers out of the house is the moment they're yelling to get in through the door you're holding fast. But, assuming you've managed to get your parents' sliding glass door AND the office door locked, you're on your way. Proceed.)

 

(Photo stolen from this guy)

Next, the front door should be locked. Try not to let Mom know what you're up to, or she'll throw your butt out with your pesky brothers.

If you manage this, swing back to the hall door and throw the bolt. Chances are one of the little farts is onto you now, so sprint for the sliding glass patio door. This one is a bitch to lock, so be careful.

 

(Original photo stolen from this guy)

Back through the kitchen to throw that latch. This is key -- the first door you KNOW they'll go to to yell "MO-O-O-O-OMMMMMMM!" is the kitchen door. If you manage this it's a race to the laundry room for the last one.

Assuming you've accomplished all seven doors (Gubby had five doors, so he had time for some trash talk, I assume), it's time to plop yourself down in the living room and watch some after school TV. Not too loud, or Mom will throw your butt out with your pesky brothers. Make sure you howl with laughter and really look like you're enjoying this particular "Love: American Style." If you're brazen, enjoy a nice snack during your viewership.

 


(Photo stolen from these guys)

Of course, this won't last long, as your mom will yell at you for eating in the living room, starting a fight, watching "that trash" on TV, and not playing outside. You may even have to go pull weeds as a punishment. But think how smug you'll be, knowing that you successfully Locked Your Brothers Out of the House.
 
(Photo stolen from these guys) 

Comments

[Cactus Petunia]

My brothers were much older than my sister and I, and one of them used to lock us in the basement and turn out the light from the switch outside the door.

I'm still afraid of the damn dark.

[Rick's Cafe]

This has to be an older-sister issue, part of the basic female makeup.

Little brothers always had ways of getting even!

[Meg]

My older sons has NOT yet tried this on their younger sibs... but you can bet I'm hiding THIS POST from them because I don't want to have to come after you for Giving Them Ideas.

I never ever did this to my little sister. You can ask her!