Stupid Pilot Tricks, or, Swells Like Team Spirit

This post was sent to me last year, ready-made, from my brother Mantel Man. Once upon a time he was a Bombardier-Navigator in the Navy, serving on A-6 Intruders. Yeah, I know; it's taken me YEARS to be able to type that sentence without any major errors. Ahem.

Other than finding a few images, I had nothing to do to prepare this post, so, of course, I lost it. BUT I found it again while combing my Drafts folder for something of value.

Here is Mantel Man's story about when he served on an aircraft carrier some time  after the first Gulf War.

 

(Original photo stolen from this guy) 

As if our flight gear weren’t heavy enough already.

On any normal flight from the aircraft carrier, I wore my flight suit (with Spaceman Spiff underwear, but that’s none of your business), G-suit to keep from blacking out during hard turns, harness to connect to the ejection seat, survival vest, and helmet – plus a .45 and ammo for patrols over Iraq or flights over the wild Australian outback. Then, if the weather got cold enough, we might also be required to wear…

Dry suits.

That’s right – waterproof one-piece suits with rubber seals at the neck, wrists, and ankles, plus special thermal underwear (without pictures of Spaceman Spiff, dammit).

 

The suits were hot and uncomfortable under our flight suits, and fortunately I had to wear them on only one deployment, off the coast of South Korea one winter during the annual Team Spirit exercise with the ROK armed forces.

After each flight over the cold Sea of Japan, I couldn’t wait to get out of the dry suit before heading to the forward (a.k.a. “dirty shirt”) wardroom, where the flyers would gather for an evening meal or snack. One evening, however, my friend Jack from the helicopter squadron came up still wearing a dry suit under his flight suit. Now, Jack was 6 feet 6 inches tall and had to fly search-and-rescue helo’s because he was too tall for jet fighters. He had a great sense of humor and was liked by all.

When Jack finished his meal, he suddenly pushed back from the table and announced, “Uh oh, I’m getting that after-dinner bloated feeling!” He then grabbed the rubber seal around his neck, pulled it above his nose, and began repeatedly exhaling into his dry suit. In just a few seconds the thing had swelled up until we thought it would tear the flight suit he had on over it. We howled with laughter over the six-foot green life raft at our table.

Is this the sort of thing that happens at summer camp? Well, Team Spirit was our winter camp, and despite the crappy weather and the confining couture, we remained in pretty high spirits. And if I had to eject into that cold water, I knew how to increase my positive buoyancy while I waited for Jack to fly out and find me.

*     *     *     *     *

Foolery here -- I don't know about YOU guys, but I'M picturing a HydroVac suit from the Woody Allen movie "Sleeper."

 

(Original photo stolen from these guys) 

Thanks for the bedtime story, Mantel Man!

Comments

[foolery]

You DO know what Dad would say to that, right Mantel Man?

"You're telling me more than I want to know."

Ms. Parker, welcome!

Robert Klein, please see me after the show. You're funnier than I am and that's NOT nice. : )

Thanks for reading, everybody!

-- Laurie

[Mantel Man]

Hey, you published my story! I used to say that my proudest accomplishment in the jet was using the relief tube on a long flight while wearing that damned dry suit and all that other crap.

In the dark.

I also liked to joke that I never could have done it had I not been, uh, anatomically, uh, gifted...

But that's another story.

One that you'd never publish.

[MsParker from Arkansas]

Way funny! I love it!

[Bob Cleveland]

I can think of another way to inflate one of them suits which doesn't get one all out of breath. It just takes some fiber and a little time.

:)

Oh .. you typed that sentence error-free if he actually did act as Bombardier-Navigator in the Navy, serving on A-6 Intruders. If he was an exhaust pipe cleaner on Piper Cubs, you didn't.

But I don't think THOSE guys needed G-suits.

If they had a drawstring around the waist of the G-suit, I wonder what they called it.

Excuse me. I think I need to go seek help. I'm morphing into Robert Klein.