How Chas Cured His Acid Reflux, Part II

(You can read Part I by clicking here)

So where were we?

When last we met I was in the middle of an interview with my husband Chas, and he was just about to tell all y'all about how he cured his own acid reflux. The first part was  funny  really funny  funny, but this part is pretty straight:

FOOLERY:  Tell us how you did it -- how you cured yourself.

CHAS:  First thing in the morning, I woke up --

FOOLERY:  Genius!

CHAS:  -- and headed for the kitchen, where I poured myself about a pint of warmish water.

FOOLERY:  So not out of the door in the fridge -- GASP! -- YOU? Drank TAP WATER?! On purpose?

 

(Original photo stolen from this site)

CHAS, IGNORING ME:  The theory is that the water can't be cold, or it'll shock your stomach into constricting, and you want to expand, not constrict. So after I drank the water I was supposed to rise up on my toes, with my elbows extended, and slam my heels to the floor.

FOOLERY:  "There's no place like home, there's no place like home . . ."

 

(Original photo stolen from these guys)

CHAS:  But I --

FOOLERY:  Hey, the Dorothy joke should have been good for a chuckle, at least.

CHAS:  -- took it one better and jumped off of the ottoman instead.

FOOLERY:  Why on earth?

CHAS:  I didn't think the heel-slamming was quite enough; the ottoman was higher, of course, and I think it worked better. When the stomach is full of water it's heavy, and when you jump suddenly the weight of the full stomach pulls the hernia back into place.

FOOLERY:  Whoa. Sort of like a heavy water balloon, I get it.

CHAS:  Yeah, and it worked. Also, I think you're supposed to exhale as you slam your heels to the floor.

FOOLERY:  Have you had to repeat the process?

CHAS:  No, not so far. The articles didn't specify how long the cure would last, but I suppose I'll just do it again as needed.

FOOLERY:  Any negative side effects?

CHAS:  No, although I suppose the jumping part wasn't great for my OTHER hernia.

FOOLERY:  T.M.I.

CHAS:  You asked.


I have asked Chas to get checked out by his doctor to make sure he isn't missing a bigger problem, and he promised me he would. HEAR THAT, HONEY? YOU PROMISED. Chas is not a doctor or medical specialist of any kind, and I'm definitely not, so we don't know anything and

PLEASE DON'T TAKE

MY WORD FOR THIS --

ASK A DOCTOR FIRST.

But it makes you think, and it has really helped Chas. I wish I could provide a link but I couldn't find one. Good luck, and don't break your ankles jumping off the ottoman.

 

(Photo stolen from these guys) 

Comments

[Meg]

A. Ron - yes, and did he stick the landing?

Bob - You got all serious on us there. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

Foolery - I agree, get him to the doctor... which as we all know is easier to tell someone else than to actually do.

[Audubon Ron]

In the spirit of the Olympics, can Chas do a double back with a full twist off the ottoman?
(I'm guessing it was named after a guy named otto.)

[boB Cleveland]

Hey. It's a worthy goal. My younger son Brad has personally sneezed the name of every Japanese Automobile. And Motorcycle.

He said Mitsubishi was a real b@#&$.

[boB Cleveland]

Kathi,

I recall my dad and his mom doing the burping thing. That never was a problem with me, though, so I've had to learn other reasons to belch. So far I've settled on personal amusement and the desire to belch the name of every state.

:)

And practice makes perfect.

Or disgusting.

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

Just so you know, the Dorothy joke was good for a belly laugh.

[Rick's Cafe]

That's one good looking ottoman you have, I may have to come steal it some night. But if I see a pair of size 12 ruby red slippers sitting on top, I'm going to get real concerned about Chas. (and his choice of footware)!

[The Glamorous Life Association]

Its like a frickin WEbMD over here.

Awesome.

[KathiD]

Well, dang, if it worked, it worked, I guess.

I used to have acid reflux every dang day, that kept me awake at night. I bought Prilosec and the label says you can only take it for 2 weeks without consulting a doctor. So I took it for 2 weeks, no reflux, and as soon as I quit taking it, reflux again. I then did as told and asked my doctor, who said it was OK to take it "forever" and if I had reflux again I should be checked for Barrett's. On the Prilosec I'm reflux-free. Funny thing is, I told the doc that when I was burping at night it struck me that I sounded exactly like my mother and older brother used to sound, and I remembered them standing at the sink at night spooning down bicarb of soda. They were both skinny, so my theory of being overweight causing my problem didn't hold water. Anyway, I joked that I inherited their burps, but it turns out (according to my doc) that dyspepsia does have genetic factors. Anyhoo, like Bob said, the Prilosec has freed me from having to sleep sitting up!

[boB Cleveland]

Please please PLEASE tell Chas the following:

My brother .. my only sibling .. died from esophageal cancer, which stemmed from acid reflux. The acid in the esophagus causes stomach lining material to migrate up into the esophagus, and that sort of tissue there is pre-cancerous. It's called Barrett's esophagus, and if it could be detected and self-cured, nobody would ever die from it.

When he came down with the cancer, and was diagnosed as terminal in the process, I immediately went and had an endoscopy. Thanks to the happy juice, I actually wanted to live there but they wouldn't let me. But they did find some scarring from reflux, which is a precursor to Barrett's.

I have been on Prilosec since that day .. in 1999 .. and have yet to have indigestion. It's now OTC and cheap.

Please. Get him to a doctor. From what I read in Foolery, and in other places, you really don't want to be a young widow.

OK. I promise to resume my insanity in my next comment. This one was, however, much too important to be funny.

[Mental P Mama]

And, sadly, this actually makes a whole lot of sense to me...