You're Drunk in Santa Barbara

Let's pretend.

You're drunk in Santa Barbara, early in the morning.

You: Think I'll go for a drive.

 


(Original photo stolen from this site)

You get into your car and head north on Highway 101. You take the Hope Street off-ramp a leeeetle recklessly, side-swiping the concrete guard rail.

You: Whazzzat?

Then you clip a metal street light.

You: That didn't needa be there!

A quarter of a mile farther on Hope street and Calle Real, you hit a hydrant.

You: They put that WAY too close to the shtreet.

You didn't just hit the hydrant, you snapped it off at the base.

You: It'sh RAINING allashudden?

A plume of water soared 50-60 feet into the air from the broken hydrant.

You: It'sh reeeally raining. I better get home.

 

(Original photo stolen from these guys)

You leave the scene, but your front bumper and license plate stay behind.

You: Car'sh runnin' kinda rough today.

You drive home and tuck your car into the garage before going inside to sleep it off.

You: Shleep tight, little car -- hey, whuthahell happened to my bumper?!

You are awakened by Officers Beltran and Gaston.

You: Wha' kin I do fer you gennnelmen?

 

(Original photo stolen from this guy)

The officers had followed a trail of automotive fluids right to your closed garage door, where they promptly arrest you for DUI, hit-and-run, driving on a suspended license, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

You: I was ffframed.

Depending upon your ability to pretend, you may or may not now be behind bars and the girlfriend of a big dude named Walter. You may wanna stop pretending now.

This really happened (mostly) in December in Santa Barbara, and you can read the report here if you'd like.

Thanks to Matt at PlanetSantaBarbara.com for posting this link on Facebook for my great amusement.
 

Comments

[Suz Broughton]

No one writes drunk-speak like you. I wonder why?

[noe noe girl]

That's good!

[KathiD]

He had to drive home because he was too drunk to walk.

[Rick's Cafe]

I think they actually have to see you driving to charge you with a DUI...cause ya know, it might have been that evil twin brother who stole the car. Or, as in other cases, the 7 year old child.
Not that I have any 1st hand knowledge or expertise in these areas....I've never driven in CA!:)

[momx2]

hahahaah... too dang funny :)

[Mental P Mama]

Now I love Santa Barbara even more!

[Ann Marie]

I was ROLLING laughing!!!! oh that is classic!

[big hair envy]

I see people like that in my 'hood from time to time. Fortunately, there are no exit ramps, street signs, or fire hydrants. (Heck, there aren't even centerlines on the roads in some places.) The path of destruction often includes downed mailboxes, fast-food wrappers and beer cans...