(Original photo used with permission from hebster, commons.wikipedia.org)
If you laughed at Laurie’s recent posting about a slice of cake practicing self-immolation in a microwave
, you may be interested to know that microwave popcorn has a similar sense of nihilism.
(Original photo used with permission from Andrew Butko at Wikimedia Commons)
When I removed a packet from its outer plastic wrapper and heard the light “clack” of two or three kernels hitting the floor, I realized that the paper cooking pouch had a small tear in it. Being resourceful, and not overly fond of gathering popped corn from all over the inside of the microwave, I placed the pouch into a larger brown paper bag and put the whole thing on the cooking plate.
I now realize that I had become complacent. After about two minutes of nuking, I came back to check on the food’s progress and saw the entire oven’s interior engulfed in orange flames and the exterior vent grill above the door beginning to melt. The oven was still going and I had to hit the “stop” button, but after dousing the flames with a soaked towel, opening every door and window in the house, and cleaning up the carnage, I tried to revive my trusty appliance and found that it had been successfully assassinated.
Fortunately this popcorn was the “Lite” version, with 60% less fat than regular butter-flavored microwave popcorn. The regular stuff must be what the Green Berets used in Afghanistan to get the bad guys out of those mountain caves. If I’d put that in my micro, I might be living in a refugee camp now.
You could say it was the first successful suicide-bombing of a major appliance in U.S. history. Sure, the enemy martyred 300 of its own lite kernels, but they also took out my five-star General Electric. I showed ‘em, though: the very next day another one was recruited to take its place. We must show resolve: if we lose the right to have a simple pleasure like microwave popcorn, then the terrorists win.
(Original photo stolen from these guys)
Field Marshal Butthead