In Which We Start With Puberty and End With a Monster Egg

Think back to puberty. Or, as my high school biology teacher Mr. Penner used to say, "POO-ber-ty." He also used to say "di-no-SOURS," but that's another story, and try to stay focused, okay?

Pronounce it how you will, puberty does a number on a body, especially on a girl's body. One can only imagine that the first dozen or so eggs produced by a pubescent female might be rather shoddy in quality, but we don't know because we can't see the eggs.

You can see a chicken's eggs. The first ones don't always turn out as planned.

 


Sometimes their shells are very bumpy. Chas got one from the hen house yesterday whose shell wasn't done well; it was so thin on one end that it crushed in his hand. Occasionally -- rarely -- the egg is even laid without a shell!

But that's not what I came here to tell you. I told you that so I could show you this:

 


This MONSTER egg.

It's a little hard to see how big it is, so I have prepared a demonstration. You knew I would.

First, a large egg from the grocery store.

 


Now let's add one of the little eggs these young hens usually lay -- much smaller.

 


Okay, here's the lunker.

 


See the difference?

 


Yikes. I don't want to know what kind of clucking ruckus she kicked up when pushing THIS bad boy out. We gave it to Grandma across the street, who promptly made breakfast. Later she told me, "That egg had a double yolk."

"Really?" I said. "I should have known, since it was so huge." Then I asked her, "Did you get any pictures of it?" Thinking back, I asked a little too breathlessly.

"Oh -- no," said Mom sadly, as if she had let me down. "I'm sorry! I didn't think of it!"

What, you don't photograph everything you do, buy, or eat? I thought. Definition of a non-blogger.

But when hens 4, 5 and 6 start laying, the camera will be ready.

Comments

[Kathi D]

I know it's been a while since you been a-keepin chickens, so you probably forgot that they lay a lot of double-yolk king-size eggs the first year. Their hormones haven't lined up right proper yet. We had a bunch of them last year, but this year, none. Dang it.

[Bob Cleveland]

Besides, you wouldn't call it LAYING and egg with no shell. I'm pretty sure it's called "squirting".

[Bob Cleveland]

Well then I'm pretty sure the hen has lost shall we say elasticity in certain portions of her anatomy, or else that hummer'd come out of there like an Atlas missile and splatter itself all OVER something.

[Meg]

Super jumbo eggs! Yeeeowch!

I looked at adding BlogHer ads recently - the website aren't adding new advertisers at this time. WTF, BlogHer?

[Suz Broughton]

Do they make metamucil? That might be the problem, no? AND is an egg laid without a shell really still an egg?

[foolery]

@Ron, we got ANOTHER one this weekend! I will definitely photograph it when I break it. Jurassic Park indeed.

@CBW, Now that I have added BlogHer ads I need to totally change the way I format photos for the blog. Sorry for the confusion!

@Bob, when I crack the NEW monster egg I will show you. And if there are panty hose inside, Geraldo will be there with a camera crew.

@Marcy, your offspring could only have triple yolks. They're that original. ;)

Thanks for reading, my friends!

-- Laurie

[The Glamorous Life Association]

Poor chicken. I feel so sorry for it. I had nearly 10lbs children and I can really sympathize. Of course I haven't cracked mineopen yet to see if there is a double yoke. But when I do you can bet I will have my camera ready GRANDMA!

:)

[Bob Cleveland]

I think you're just joshin' us here. There weren't no eggstuff in there ... there were pantyhose, right?

Come on. Fess up, now, ok?

:)

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

Mamma mia, that's a spicy meatball. Or a huge egg.

So glad you clarified about the photo formatting. On the previous post with the girls and Santa Claus, I sat for an hour looking for your other girl who could only be seen after embiggening the photo.

[Audubon Ron]

Whoamygoodness. Jurassic Park.