What'll I Do With My GUN RACK?!

This is one of my favorite writings, a mass mailing e-mail I wrote about about three months before I started blogging, in October of 2005. I think of it every October.


 
(Photo stolen from this chica)

It's fall.
 
I know it's fall because of the deluge of clothing catalogs clogging my mail box. All the models in these catalogs are dressed in harvest colors, yet I'm sure few of them have any idea what, exactly, a harvest is.
 
If you live in a rural part of the country, as I do here in California's great north valley, you are acutely aware of the changing of the seasons. Not so much winter, spring, summer and fall -- we've been accused here in California of not having these seasons -- but steelhead, salmon, dove, deer, pheasant, back to dove, wild boar (which is year-round), and so on. But October marks the beginning of my favorite season, one which crosses state lines, requires no badges or special gear, and one for which no skinny models are employed.
 
I'm talking about, of course, Candy Season.
 
 
(Photo stolen from this guy)

Candy season has no fixed start date; it begins as soon as the grape leaves begin to turn colors, and usually while the temperature outside is still hazardous to delicate chocolates. You round the corner with your supermarket shopping cart, and there they are, easy pickin's: row after row of ripe, fat candy morsels, holiday-sized and begging to be bagged.
 
There are several ways to approach Candy Season. Some candy hunters like to hunt weekly, others will wait until peak season and bag 'em all at once, and still others will wait until after peak season and pick over the remainders, taking advantage of clearance prices and fully intending to freeze the candy for next year. Uh-huh. I see a couple of problems with this last tactic.
 
But October is just the start. There's a lull until mid-November, when the season gets rocking and rolling again. After New Years those after-peak hunters really have a field day, but I ask you: how well does the "freeze it for next year" plan jibe with your annual New Year's resolution to lose 147 pounds? And how good are frozen Dum Dums, anyway?
 
(Photo stolen from this site)
 
Candy Season's peaks and following lulls continue through mid-February (a major peak, and an especially good time for top-shelf chocolate hunters), to late March/early April (when the rare Peeps and chocolate rabbits can be found). Sadly, by late spring the season all but peters out, with only a half-hearted rally in early May. May hunters are usually last-minute men in a big hurry on the way to Sunday brunch with Mom.
 
So happy hunting, and remember: plan your attack, pace yourself, and, if you're among the fooling-yourselves-after-peak-bargain-hunter types, first clean out your freezer, make a dentist appointment, and throw away your bathroom scale.  Here's to a six-month season with NO LIMITS!
 
Seasonally Yours,
 
Laurie

 
(Photo stolen from this site) 

Comments

[Shower Stalls]

MOre calories than you can shake a stick at.

[annbb]

I wonder how many calories are in that last photo...

[JD at I Do Things]

CANDY SEASON!

Oh, man. That photo of the candy aisle got me almost as excited as the ACTUAL candy aisle I stood drooling in front of yesterday at the drugstore.

I think Candy Season is year-round for me.

[bejewell]

CANDY CANDY CANDY NOM NOM NOM NOM

[Bob Cleveland]

This year I have a new approach. I'm going to start buying the candy like normal, but I'm going to tuck it all inside the front of my shirt. That's where it'd wind up anyway, and this way, I won't have to buy any new clothes whilst losing all the weight from not eating the candy.

This'll give me time to save up some money for some new duds, and then just show up at church one day impersonating a super model.

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

Duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season. Rabbit season.

Wild boar season?

[Audubon Ron]

I remember. Northern Cali has a spring season, which is about an hour and one-half. It has a fall too. A little under 13 minutes shorter. Now, in the south, candy is a must in the hot muggy summer and can mostly be found in my refrigerator a work. Many a business meeting was handled over a cold Snickers. Srsly.