Or, "I'm No Twitter Snob; I'm a Twitter Curmudgeon"
Watch this video by this (most likely) very-nice-but-misguided man, Perry Belcher. There are many pictures. There could be a quiz.
His thesis? "Don't be a snob on any social medium like Twitter [or,
presumably, Facebook or MySpace]. Befriend all who ask you, follow
Is this guy serious? Okay, I'm about to get cranked up on a rant here, so hold your ears firmly to your heads for a minute.
Here's his question: "Are yooooooooou . . . a Twitter Snob?"
My answer: Yes! Guddammit, yes! YES I AM!
His complaint: Kevin Rose, founder of Digg.com, has 77,701 followers on Twitter, and he follows only 120, because he's a big shot, while Guy Kawasaki of alltop.com is a great guy because he follows almost all of his 34,000 minions.
Me: DO YOU HONESTLY THINK EITHER ONE OF THEM GIVES A HOO-HAW ABOUT YOU, "FRIENDED" OR NOT? I don't think so.
Part of his statement: "If you're gonna make it in social media -- if you're gonna help your business, help your personality --"
Me: Wait -- stop right there. "Gonna make it"?! I am NOT playing Mary Tyler Moore here. I am not trying to get on a TV show. I am not trying to add to my Christmas list or get on some social media hall of fame or win a free phone. In fact, on days like today I can't remember why I AM involved in social media, and I'm hip deep, my friends.
Him: ". . . you gotta show them you care . . . "
Me: I DON'T CARE! I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!
Him: "I can't believe that anyone could be that arrogant and mean . . . "
Me: You obviously have never seen Philadelphia sports fans.
Him: "You don't have to be a Twitter jackass."
Me: No, obviously it's fairly easy to be a YouTube Jackass instead.
Him: "Just go get a second Twitter account." [in order to follow your real-life friends exclusively]
Me: Who the hell has that kind of time? Following 6000+ people, and adding a second account? WHAT IS THE GAIN? Jeebus, all I want to do is find out what a few friends are up to, read the funny wisecracks from Merlin Mann, John Hodgman, Marcywrites and Bejewell and Mommypie and a few more, and leave smartass comments that I can't get away with in front of my children or at the office. That's it! No, I really don't want to know about your PMS. No, I really don't care if this is your third glass of wine and does that make you a bad person? Sorry, if this makes me a Twitter Snob, or a Social Media Reject, then so be it. I claim it. It also means NOTHING, because anyone who takes the time to reach out to me in a real way knows that I am not such a curmudgeon, not such a grump. I just play one on TV.
And it's not "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," and I won't be throwing my hat.