I will skimp on wine, good coffee beans, haircuts, clothing, music -- pretty much everything, but I will NOT skimp on pancakes.
Yes, I have a bag of Krusteaz in my cupboard, but it may have weevils, I don't know, because I insist on creating a shitload of dishes every time and making pancakes the long way. My mom's recipe, sort of. Mostly. And it may be a standard Every Person In The World Has This Recipe, You Dumb Cluck, I don't know. Please don't tell me, if it is. Let me keep living this lie. Take down this recipe as if it's really, really special. Oooo and ahhhh as if I'm a culinary genius.
Get syrup in your hair and tell me about it.
So here it is:
Buttermilk Pancakes The Hard Way
You will need the following hardware:
- a large bowl
- a medium bowl
- a whisk
- a large spatula
- spoons and stuff
- a small squirrel
- a griddle, or at least a good frying pan
- a stove
- a kitchen
You will need the following edibles:
- 2 or 3 eggs, your decision (tick tock . . .)
- 1 1/4 cup buttermilf. Damn, slip of the tongue. BATTERMILF
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1 1/2 cups flour
- 1 tsp. salt
- 3/4 tsp. baking soda
- 2 tblsp. sugar
- 3 tblsp. butter, melted
First, separate the eggs. Yolks go into the big bowl, whites go into the medium bowl. Add the BATTERMILF* to the yolks, then the regular milf.* Stir it up, baby, stir it up. BUT NOT TOO MUCH! (Did I scare you? Sorry.)
Now for the dry ingredients. Here's the weird part. You can use regular flour, but I try to cram as much whole wheat flour into stuff as I can, so I use 1/2 cup each regular flour, whole wheat flour, and cake flour (for lightness). This is NOT necessary, but is probably part of a larger illness I am refusing to acknowledge. Dump 1 1/2 cups flour into a sifter, and add the salt, baking soda, and sugar. Sift it right into the big bowl. Stir it up, but only until it's just mixed -- still lumpier than a lazy advertising agency secretary's butt. Now put it away and heat up your griddle -- 350F if you're particular, high heat then down to medium if you're sloppy. I'm sloppy.
Melt that butter in the microwave -- how about 40 seconds on half power? DON'T BOIL IT. Let it cool off a minute while you beat the snot out of the egg whites. Take your whisk and whip those whites into a froth. Your forearms will thank me, and hate me. Thank me. Beat the whites until soft peaks form. Or quit early; it's not that critical. HA!
Sometimes I fold the egg whites in and then stir in the melted butter, and sometimes I do it the other way around. I'm sure there's a preferred way, but I'm here to tell you I have done both ways and it has not made a BIT of difference to my finished product, so you pick. In any case, fold in the egg whites gently and mix in the butter only until it's mixed, not a second more. Well, a second is okay.
Make your pancakes; you know the rest. I think this should feed 5-6 normal people, or four gluttons. You pick. If you're in doubt, double the recipe. Freeze the leftovers in a Zip-Loc. Use real butter and pure maple syrup, or this whole dirty dish circus has been for naught.
* You do fnow I mean "buttermilk" and "milk," right?