Winging It

When we were trying to transition Sparky from nighttime diapers to plain old Dora the Explorer undies, we ran out of diapers one night without realizing it.  Of course this was discovered at 7:30 at night as we were getting the kids ready for bed.

"I have an idea," I said.  I went to my bathroom and found one of the heinous dreaded maxi pads still left over from my post-pregnancy days -- rather small, as those things go, but still, *shudder* -- and showed it to Sparky.  "I'm a little bit unsure about this," I began.  "See, if I understand it right, this thing might give you a mild shock if you piddle on it."

Big eyes.

"Not enough to hurt you, of course -- and I'm not even sure it will happen?  But maybe?  And if it does, I think it will just be a tiny little zap, to wake you up."

Big eyes.

"So, what should you do if you start to piddle in the middle of the night, Sparky?"

"Stop piddling and go to the potty?"

"Yep, that's right --"

"'Cause it'll give me a shock!"

"Well, actually, I'm not sure about that, but it might, so --"

"So I'd better not piddle 'cause of the shock!"

"Right."

Before I went to bed I woke Sparky up and took her to the potty.  She was NOT happy about it, and wished me a face full of poo, and threw a wad of toilet paper at me, but that's unimportant.  The important thing is that Sparky piddled in the potty.  Because she wasn't speaking to me at the time, I let her put herself back to bed.

When she crawled into bed with Chas and me, about an hour later, she was dry, and stayed dry the rest of the night.  We celebrated her success the next morning.

All this warm fuzziness went out the freaking window when both Chas and I forgot to buy more Pull-Ups again the next night.  Sparky reminded us of this fact at 7:30 once again, when she asked about her diapers.  "Oh crud!" I said.

"That's okay, Mama," said Sparky.  I'll just get another one of those things that shock me if I piddle."

All rumors of a shock mechanism (as well as all claims of brilliant parenting) were dispelled that night when Sparky flooded the bed before I got to her to drag her to the potty.

The moral of this story is

• Don't lie to your children.
• Lie to your children, but have a better back-up in case of full lie meltdown.
• Keep the lie going at all costs, blaming shoddy Chinese workmanship on the maxipads.
• Keep the lie going at all costs, giving her a mild electric shock with a household appliance if necessary.
• Learn to love that pee smell, since at this rate she'll be in grad school before you get rid of the diapers.
• Pick one and run with it. If you're getting parenting advice from a blog called Foolery you're in worse shape than even ME.

Comments

[mommypie]

MP's been potty trained forever, but we're still working on making it through the night.

We just transitioned to Gerber training underwear which are FANTASTIC. I have to wake her up each night at midnight to go pee, but we're out of the Pull-Ups! Woo hoo!

If I don't get her on the toilet before midnight though, she turns into a pumpkin and pees all over the bed.

I'm thinkin' I may try the shock theory next. HA! Pavlov would approve.

[Auds]

I don't feel so bad now about having an almost 3 yr old who isn't anywhere near potty-trained yet. We're really hoping by the time her high school graduation comes around that she'll be potty trained...but we aren't holding our breath.

[Da Goddess]

She'll stop peeing in her pants before high school. Promise. Especially if she wants dates.

[Meg]

I'm not sure my little guy would fall for that... but he is still pretty much filling - and sometimes overflowing - the nighttime pull-ups, nearly every night. Pee smell? I'm soooo over it.

[Jason]

My brother totally had one of these! But it just made him mad, because by the time he felt the shock...IT WAS TOO LATE!

[Kit]

I'm still waiting on Littleman (nearly 5). He sleeps like Rip Van Winkle. Trying to wake him up late at night, to go pee? Incoherent, uncontrollable sobs and not a drop of pee. Three hours later? Floods the bed in his sleep. I gave up. He's in diapers at night. I'll worry about it when he's 7.

Luckily Mr. Sweetcheeks (just turned 3) can wake, go potty, and put himself back to bed whenever he needs to. Glory hallelujah.

[MamaMo]

oh. my. gosh. WHERE do you come up with this stuff?!! funny, funny

[Cactus Petunia]

Creative misinformation is the backbone of successful parenting, I always say.
Both my kids are now responsible and fully potty trained adults, and have the permanent emotional scars to prove it!

Thankfully, they've both finally given up trying to convince me that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy don't exist...

[Fancy]

Too funny. So glad those days are over. My son potty trained himself in one weekend and never had an accident after that. He was just ready.

[Alias Liz Jones]

I don't have a toddler around, but reckon a tazer would be o.k. for various relatives. It's not like I would be lying, just shocking, ya'll. Yer a genus Swims, or as my friend from Bavaria would say, Ein Ginny.

[brideofmukor]

Oh, man - I loved that you found a use for those post-pregnancy pads! Brilliant!! There have been too many moments were we forgot we had no more pull ups, so we used old diapers 3 sizes too small - tightened to the point I was worried my child's legs would fall off from lack of circulation. The electric shock was a nice touch.

[KD @ A Bit Squirrelly]

Muirne was still wetting the bed at least three times a week until she was almost 4. She was great during the day, but at night she just slept too hard. Bardolf on the other hand has been potty trained through the night since he was 2.5 or a little sooner. The shock idea is genius. I would not have been that creative.

[WaltzInExile]

I can honestly say we didn't think to lie about the shock thing but not because I'm Mother of the Year. Rather, 1) I didn't think of it, and B) Bedtime is already a struggle of epic proportions between the tiny dictator and myself, replete with irrational, delay-tactic fears (of said despot), so that any mention of some other thing to fear would be wielded against me for the next 40 years (I'm assuming there will be therapy in her future, which of course I will have to pay for, seeing how I'm the cause of all troubles.)
So when we found ourselves without pull-ups one night at 7:45, we, also decided to wing it. And had great success. And the next night, buoyed by the great success, we tried it again. Huzzah, great success again. Night three, I didn't even consider going to the store for pull-ups. And was richly rewarded at 3:00 in the morning with a stinking, soaking, shrieking 3 year old. So really, coming here for advice? Not nearly as bad as you think.

[Ellie]

Oh, dear. Well, um, at least human pee doesn't smell like cat pee? Is that a silver lining?

[Mental P Mama]

Ah, the memories come flooding back to me.

[Rick's Cafe]

It's good to see that the East Coast (EST postings) readers all have thoughts about peeing.

Guess this only makes sense since we had lots to say about the fart topic a few weeks ago.

Or maybe it's cause our mothers also did horrible things to us when we were diaper age?

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

Hilarious and yet brilliant. I would never have thought of telling them they'd get shocked.

This sort of reminds me of a slightly unrelated topic...my father had a surgery once that required him to temporarily wear Depends, only he called them Pretends. When I corrected him, he said, "No, they're Pretends. Because you pretend you're not peeing yourself."

[Bob Cleveland]

Learning to love that pee smell comes in handy if you ever have prostate surgery, too. Which I doubt, well, you know, YOU will ever get to have. Yourself.

But it does come in handy if you ever want to be able to get up & go to the bathroom without actually getting up and GOING to the bathroom.