(Photo stolen from these guys)
Where do praying mantises come from? They show up every fall, but where were they in June?
When someone says, "Keep an open mind," what does that mean to the speaker? Because I hear, "No matter how poorly crafted this is, you've gotta accept it, and if you don't, you'll look like a bigot/ignoramus/plebeian/fascist/jerk."
Why are people so concerned with how much wood a woodchuck could hypothetically chuck? Really, we ought instead to be watching the chick in the seashell booth down at the shore, 'cause I don't think she has a seller's permit.
(Photo stolen from these guys)
Who made anybody other than ME an arbiter of taste? Show me pictures of Clinton and Stacy, Martha or any of the others you can name who roll their eyes over what we unwashed masses are wearing, eating or decorating with, and I'll show you people who had big hair, blue eye shadow, puffy sleeves and mauve decor AT SOME POINT in their pasts. Also? I can almost guarantee you that any of them have used the Avant Garde type face at least once. Break out the dope slaps and cancel your subscriptions, folks.
If your mother is Haitian and your father is Icelandic, which box do you check for "race" on the census? No snark here, I just have no idea how people figure that one out.
Why do I want my hair to smell like vanilla? Sure, I love vanilla, but I also love burritos, and I don't think I need to connect THOSE dots.
(Photo stolen from this site)
Why is it that often people who abstain from marriage -- calling it a quaint and antiquated ritual, an unnecessary documentation of one's feelings and predilections -- also sport tattoos? No really, why?
Why is the act of kissing a baby some sort of affirmation of a politician's character? I say, make him/her CHANGE the baby. CHANGE is good. CHANGE is what we came here for. Line 'em up, people, and stand back, 'cause Junior's kinda ripe by now.
Dear Swams, I have been thinking about those questions for over 23 minutes. For 23 hours constantly, I have pondered. I have them all figured out except the one about the Praying Mantis. Where do those babies hide? And why?
Also, I did a google search on politicians changing diapers and came up with nothing. That's weird.
Posted by: Alias Liz | October 05, 2008 at 07:48 PM
That made me dizzy.
Posted by: Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy | October 04, 2008 at 12:59 AM
That's what keeps me awake at night, Poots.
Posted by: foolery | October 03, 2008 at 02:05 PM
Crisis isn't over till I SAY IT IS.
Posted by: Apache Dude Poot | October 03, 2008 at 02:01 PM
Oh, thank God, Foolery's BACK!
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | October 03, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Amen on the Tattoo's
Posted by: Chris | October 03, 2008 at 06:45 AM
I don't know about mantids, but we've had some of them here and I'm liking them! (One showed up last night even)
As for arbiters of taste, I'll take Clinton and Stacy over Martha, Oprah, or any of the rest of them. Okay, maybe Tim Gunn can come play, too.
Were you hanging out with me last night? Really, some of these topics are what I talked about with one of the cruisers last night. Were you hanging out behind us?
Da Goddess
Posted by: DaGoddess | October 02, 2008 at 05:33 PM
On the tattoo deal, I really think it's because "STUPID" would be too obvious, so they go with something else more, shall we say, esoteric.
Posted by: Bob Cleveland | October 02, 2008 at 03:03 PM
I see the crisis is over at Mother B, huh, Poots? Or are you just blowing off steam? wink wink
Hope your head injury heals quickly -- MWAHH!
-- LauFoo
Posted by: foolery | October 02, 2008 at 02:02 PM
OK
Maybe I was thinking of AssMarGirl. This site is NOT an anorexia haven you know and I gotta have my fun and chickies funny butts are ALL over the place for material. If ya'll'd just thong-it-up and get-er-out and done wit a few HiRes pix here and there ya'll'd really bring down the humor level, ya know?
How bout it girlies. I'll start a new picture web site "Thongs 4 Dongs". Gitcher emails a flowing.
Anyway, I guess a chick with a munky doin hisseff and a picture of AZ on her site can't be all bad if she likes ALL kinds of weiners.
So, Weiner Woman, which Hooters didja go to? The one in Mesa is about 5 miles from my house and is where the chickie that got tossed off the SW airline flite works at.
Posted by: ButtBoyPoot | October 02, 2008 at 01:51 PM
Bob, I SWEAR, I had it spelled PREYING, and then looked it up -- and CHANGED IT! I think it was Wikipedia, so yeah, I guess I got what I deserved.
Cheryl, I rarely consider any article of clothing "decor," with the possible exception of the head gear above. Please come kick my ass. We'll open a bottle of wine and I'll give you an Indian burn.
Cheeky, I found a cockroach in my house last night. AAHHHHH! I can take the giant black spider living in the bathtub drain (even adding him to our health insurance) but NOT cockroaches.
Hilary -- welcome!
Mommypie, if I can blame weight gain on my shampoo and get away with it I'll nominate you for some award.
MPM, I NEED to see those shoes.
Rick, wait 'til you see tomorrow's post (you may change your mind).
Hallie, how the heck are you? Glad to see you here, and aren't you glad there are no SPIDER photos?
Fanny May, the Arizona heat is getting to you. Hallie has a tiny tushie.
KD, those spiders come from my bathtub. I'll try to get a photo for you (and for Hallie -- sorry, Hallie).
MT, meet Steph. Steph, meet MT. Both very funny bloggers and commenters. Or maybe you already know each other? In that case, never mind. Thanks for brightening my morning, both of you.
ALL of you. So fun to read your comments, truly.
Now, about tomorrow's post . . . I was in a very weird place when I wrote it, so please: try to be kind.
Cheers!
-- Laurie
Posted by: foolery | October 02, 2008 at 09:46 AM
Oh, see, MommyTime, that has me rethinking that whole S&M/Erykah Badu hybrid hat up there. Because hello? Mom of three, I NEED to NOT see things sometimes. I need to not see things a LOT really. That gear would go a long way in my house. Plus? I'd finally be in haute couture instead of my momiform. SAUCY!
P.S. You're funny, too.
Posted by: Steph | October 02, 2008 at 09:24 AM
M'kay so riddle me this: Where do SPIDERS I COULD LEASH AND NAME 'SPOT" come from every fall??
Posted by: KD @ A Bit Squirrelly | October 02, 2008 at 08:11 AM
First of all, I think that hat (? makeup? hairdo? what do call it?) would look GREAT with your clown shoes and should instantly become part of your weekly rotation. Also, so convenient for the office, where one can pretend not to see the annoying dude due to the extra folds of fabric covering one's eyes. GENIUS!
Also? Steph is hilarious. Hi Steph! *waving*
Posted by: MommyTime | October 02, 2008 at 07:48 AM
Those aren't thoughts that are heavy Hallie. Look behind you.
Posted by: Fanny May | October 02, 2008 at 06:26 AM
You always leave me thinking heavy thoughts...
Hallie
Posted by: Hallie | October 02, 2008 at 05:49 AM
Uhhh .. I don't know for sure, but I think PREYING Mantises come from mommy preying mantises.
PRAYING Mantises, I have no idea.
Posted by: Bob Cleveland | October 02, 2008 at 05:47 AM
I can tell you where the praying mantises come from: my kitchen. Ants come from there too. So do fruit flies and moths.
Also, if they made a burrito-scented shampoo, I'd use it. I'll take extra spicy, please, with guacamole.
Posted by: Chesapeake Bay Woman | October 02, 2008 at 05:46 AM
That hat goes nicely with some shoes I've been eying lately. And those tats? I dunno.
Posted by: Mental P Mama | October 02, 2008 at 05:09 AM
So this is what happens to your mind when you've rested a day or so?
LOVE IT!
Posted by: Rick's Cafe | October 02, 2008 at 04:47 AM
Doog, I just bought vanilla shampoo and conditioner -- I've used it on MP and now I want to eat her up even MORE than I did before, which I didn't think possible. But it DOES make me hungry in the morning after my shower. Which NEVER happens. I think I've gained 5 lbs in just the last few weeks. I blame the vanilla.
And passing my kid for some stranger to kiss? Seriously, shoot me first. Eccchhh
Posted by: mommypie | October 02, 2008 at 12:13 AM
are you mocking my mauve corduroy daphne blazer from junior year????? try keeping an open mind so i don't have to kick your ass.
why is it i'm listing to lightfoot now too?
Posted by: Cheryl McCoy | October 02, 2008 at 12:10 AM
Mom to "multiracial" kids here. There are generally options on forms that indicate "I'm not just one race, yo". But good ol' "Other" is nearly always available. If not, I check the appropriate boxes for the kids - ALL of the appropriate boxes.
Oh, interesting side note? In the state of South Carolina, a child's race is determined by his/her mother's race. So my kids? All white. Which...hilarious to anyone who's ever laid eyes on Lenna and her Macy Gray hair.
This comment was NOT brought to you by the makers of Ritalin. They only wish they could get their grubby paws on this chick.
Posted by: Steph | October 02, 2008 at 12:02 AM
Cracking up!
Posted by: Hilary | October 01, 2008 at 11:14 PM