Tuesday afternoon on Twitter was a lively one. If you aren't familiar with Twitter, this is a taste of it. You "follow" the people, institutions, businesses, etc. who interest you, and you can read their 140-character text messages on a time line. Among others, I follow NPR, C-SPAN, The New Yorker, and NBC White House cameraman newmediajim. Well, this was one frantic hour of Twitter, a sublime mixture of critical and trivial, a surreal tragicomic opera, so I just had to share it. It's rather experimental in flavor, so my apologies if this totally misses.
A few things to know first:
1. I made minor visual changes to reduce clutter, and I reversed the order, so it reads top-to-bottom like most posts (Twitter usually reads bottom-to-top).
2. Strong language warning (I altered no text whatsoever, so be forewarned).
3. I cut out only commercial business deal "Tweets." They cluttered up the story without adding anything.
4. Queen of Spain is reporting for her blog and BlogHer from the Democratic National Convention in Denver. Shortly after the last "Tweet" I recorded here, the poor girl passed out in the CNN tent from apparent altitude sickness and was tended to by paramedics. She recovered, but so much for the reporter not becoming the story!5. My Twitter address is http://twitter.com/foolery, if you'd like to follow me.
* * * * *
MissRFTC I am so upset. I think Teen Spirit deodorant discontinued the "Caribbean Cool" scent in favor of "Pop Star." about 1 hour ago from web
QueenofSpain Back live when HRC comes out in a min about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
birdonawire55 @playgroupie your camera? You said you were having issues with it about 1 hour ago from twhirl in reply to playgroupie
playgroupie @birdonawire55 My camera is a Canon XSi. I'm hoping the problem is just the card. about 1 hour ago from twhirl in reply to birdonawire55
QueenofSpain Maloney just 'had a dream' about Clington being a supreme court justice about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
QueenofSpain One more speaker before Clinton_ hurry! I need to get to CNN about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
birdonawire55 @playgroupie its a software issue. Check on the canon site for flash updates for the hardware, and troubleshoot it there. I had one do the about 1 hour ago from twhirl in reply to playgroupie
BreakingNewsOn BREAKING NEWS -- THE FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION TELLS US A "COMPUTER GLITCH" IS CAUSING MASSIVE DELAYS. DETAILS SOON. -- BREAKING NEWS about 1 hour ago from web
playgroupie @birdonawire55 I'll check it out, thank you! about 1 hour ago from twhirl in reply to birdonawire55
BreakingNewsOn The FAA tells us that a massive computer failure is causing flight delays throughout the United States; awaiting more details. about 1 hour ago from web
newmediajim UH OH! FAA computer problems. look for big delays in flights this afternoon at more than two dozen airports nationwide about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 Managed to do the impossible. Vaccumed hair. It is stuck. SEROUSLY stuck in vaccum. a Dyson Animal no less. Probably not what the TV ads.. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 ..Had in mind when it said it handled all kinds of animal hair. Not as painful as one would imagine. A Tad scary though. Hubby is out of... about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 town on business. Eldest daughter at work. Imp at Montesorri. Am either going to have to cut most of left side of hair off, or call 911. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 I don't know the neighbours that well. I wonder if they'd come if I screamed really loud. But I'm kinda laughing because I mean, how many... about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 ..times in your life do you get to see a fat lady with most of her hair stuck in her vacuum cleaner attachment? It IS a little funny. about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly @ameribrit68 OMG How did you get your hair in the vacuum?? about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
QueenofSpain Clinton live about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
AmeriBrit68 Am crying Uncle. Calling 911 because I can't get the attachment hose/tube disconneted from the vacuum. about 1 hour ago from web
newmediajim hmmm wires are saying that FAA site reporting these delays, but nothing on the site that i can see http://www.fly.faa.gov/flyf... about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly Okay so trying to not be irritated and reminding myself that it is only for three days, but $25 a day to feed and change a toddler?? about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly I am totally being taken advantage of. It's a good thing I love him and he is cute. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 At least am not bleeding to death. On hold with local 911 who now has to transfer me to county 911 because we are unincorporated. WTF does.. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 ..that mean? @abitsquirrelly I bent down to pick a sock up off the floor and the vacuum got greedy and tried to eat me. Is now ... about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 ...choking on my hair. about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly Bardolf and the loaner baby are napping. Muirne is zoning. Swimming in the morning is my gift from the universe for my sanity about 1 hour ago from web
BreakingNewsOn A communication failure at a Georgia facility that processes flight plans is preventing flights from taking off; no contact lost with planes about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 HOLY SHIT!!! And it's not like you could have left a sock on the floor because Casey would eat it and then there would be barf about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
AmeriBrit68 Fuck me sideways. Still on hold. How do I explain this to professionally trained police dispatcher? about 1 hour ago from web
QueenofSpain Secret service has me stuck about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
abitsquirrelly If they don't laugh they are the picture of composure. You should try and get a neighbor to come over and help you in the mean time about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 @abitsquirrelly it is pathetic to admit this, but I'd take the suckage over the pukage....ANY DAY. about 1 hour ago from web in reply to abitsquirrelly
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 Yeah I kinda understand. Kinda like how I have to hose down Lizzard and the kennel every time I get home because she messed about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
AmeriBrit68 This is a tad uncomfortable. Head at angle. Going to have a bitch of a crick on my neck later. Possibly very short hair too. I may cry. about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 At least short hair is in. I am trying to make you laugh. I don't really think it is very funny. about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
AmeriBrit68 ANd it will no doubt make the police blotter in the paper. Can't wait to read it. Meg will be thankful she leaves for college on Sat. about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 is it stuck around the rollers??? about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
AmeriBrit68 WTF. what if I were bleeding to death? I am STILL on hold. The scissors are looking VERY tempting. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 @abitsquirrelly yes. propped vaccum upside down. leaning against desk. I am screwed if it slides. about 1 hour ago from web in reply to abitsquirrelly
AmeriBrit68 Its kind of like when a little girl wants to brush your hair, and ends up twirling your hair in the brush and getting it tangled...except... about 1 hour ago from web
BreakingNewsOn A passenger plane at Rotterdam Airport has been evacuated because of an unspecified threat; 3 people arrested. about 1 hour ago from web
birdonawire55 @AmeriBrit68 turn it off? about 1 hour ago from twhirl in reply to AmeriBrit68
AmeriBrit68 she does it with a power tool that has massive sucking force of black hole. about 1 hour ago from web
AmeriBrit68 @birdonwire it IS! I yanked cord. oh a PEZRSON on phone! about 1 hour ago from web
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 OMG! Oh wait! Crap if you can get a neighbor to come over have them take the plate off the bottom and take the roller out about 1 hour ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
abitsquirrelly When I say roller I mean brush thingy about 1 hour ago from web
technosailor FAA computer problems affecting flights in Eastern US. We should start a pool on if I actually get home today. 44 minutes ago from web
QueenofSpain Rushing to get to cnn. Trying to make it on live after 2pm. DAMN YOU SECRET SERVICE!!!!! 41 minutes ago from TwitterBerry
technosailor Maybe if my flight is delayed in Denver and I have to stay overnight, I can go play in the tear gas down by the Pepsi Center. That's fun! 40 minutes ago from web
birdonawire55 My Favorite Things...a la Letterman starts today http://snurl.com/3k0kx 38 minutes ago from twhirl
nprnews Communication Glitch Causes Major Airport Delays http://tinyurl.com/59r49o 35 minutes ago from twitterfeed
olympicsnews Decathlete Relives Olympic Gold Medal http://tinyurl.com/69ae43 35 minutes ago from twitterfeed
AmeriBrit68 Oh for fucks sake! I said NO sirens! 35 minutes ago from web
AmeriBrit68 What the hell, TWO fire trucks, an ambulance, and three police cars? I'm not on fire, I'M STUCK! 34 minutes ago from web
shastafires Firefighters battle fire; Turtle Bay evacuated: Firefighters are battling an aggressive vegetation fi.. http://tinyurl.com/5dveon 33 minutes ago from twitterfeed
shastafires Shasta: city of redding major fire: Large veg working off of Lake Blvd, lots of evacs in process in t.. http://tinyurl.com/6btmhp 33 minutes ago from twitterfeed
shastafires Re: Shasta: city of redding major fire: Caltrans camera photos of fire: http://www.dot.ca.gov/dist2... http://tinyurl.com/5swfn7 33 minutes ago from twitterfeed
shastafires Re: Shasta: city of redding major fire: Started behind Lake and Masonic in the canyon, it has jumped .. http://tinyurl.com/5zcb4s 33 minutes ago from twitterfeed
birdonawire55 @AmeriBrit68 lmvao...I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself... 33 minutes ago from twhirl in reply to AmeriBrit68
birdonawire55 @AmeriBrit68 I'm subscribing to your local paper now! 32 minutes ago from twhirl in reply to AmeriBrit68
abitsquirrelly @AmeriBrit68 OH MY GOD. I can't believe they sent that many people! They take vacuuming seriously! My kind of 911! 30 minutes ago from web in reply to AmeriBrit68
BreakingNewsOn At least 6 people have been killed, and 20 others injured, after a strong gas explosion struck a hotel in Islamabad, Pakistan - local media. 30 minutes ago from web
abitsquirrelly @birdonawire55 @ameribrit68 I know I am trying really hard not to laugh. I just hope you are alright! 30 minutes ago from web in reply to birdonawire55
birdonawire55 happy tuesday....more faves on Wednesday....check it out! 29 minutes ago from twhirl
CityMama http://twitpic.com/94fz - Officially a first grader. Awwww! 29 minutes ago from TwitPic
acarvin Breaking: News of "communications breakdown" at FAA flight center delays thousands of passengers, forcing Led Zeppelin song into their heads 27 minutes ago from web
QueenofSpain In a shuttle begging the driver to skip the other stops to get me to pepsi center and cnn 22 minutes ago from TwitterBerry
bejewell @ameribrit68 WTF? I'm gone for less than an hour and you've got the police and fire engines pulling your hair outta the sucker? 18 minutes ago from mobile web in reply to AmeriBrit68
QueenofSpain Cnn.com with anchor melissa long- I am arriving at the cnn grill! 14 minutes ago from TwitterBerry
CityMama http://twitpic.com/94ig - There may be gold in them thar hills, but this little 49er didn't find much of it. 10 minutes ago from TwitPic
redneckmommy Thinking of soft mattresses and warm temperatures. 8 minutes ago from twhirl
halushki School starts tomorrow. Spent day decluttering and clearing out summer. *sniff sniff* 7 minutes ago from web
What are you doing?
p.s. Read the whole hilarious story of poor Auds' (AmeriBrit68) vacuum ordeal here. Then leave her a comment and make her feel better!
I read the hair post and just about died! So funny- well not for Auds, but hilarious for us now!
I had no idea that twitter did all that- I just got myself on FACEBOOK- apparently that is the IN thing down here in the south now.
Posted by: dramapondmama | August 29, 2008 at 11:51 AM
Jeez, just goes to show ya, truth is waaayyy funnier than fiction. And the vacuum thing? It's totally something that could've happened to me.
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | August 29, 2008 at 10:12 AM
I am so glad Auds is okay.
That being said, I LAUGH MY ASS OFF everytime I read it. Still funny!
Posted by: KD @ A Bit Squirrelly | August 29, 2008 at 07:36 AM
Brilliant. And hilarious.
Posted by: Ok, Where Was I? | August 29, 2008 at 07:14 AM
Just as funny the second time!
Posted by: Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy | August 28, 2008 at 09:35 PM
This definitely was just as funny the second time around (I read it on Auds' site).
I am unfamiliar with Twitter, (to show you how unfamiiar, I just called it Tweeter and edited it). After reading this if I did not have ADD I do now. Except I probably do already have it, so it's not a problem.
Posted by: Chesapeake Bay Woman | August 28, 2008 at 04:06 PM
I read this on Auds' blog, and have to say that it's just as hilarious the second time around! This is totally something that would happen to me, I swear. Thanks to Auds for sharing it!
And Foolery, thanks for the sample of what Twitter is like. Now I know that I should stay away; it would drive me crazy (ok, crazier)!
Posted by: Linds | August 28, 2008 at 03:53 PM
Auds, as I Tweeted to you just now, I would've been swearing a whole lot more than that. I was floored by your ability to text at that moment. I assumed you were on a phone or PDA, but maybe you crawled up to your desk? :) Very glad you weren't hurt, because you could have been.
Mommy Pie, I just reported it. I had nothing to do with the grand accident of information that that hour was! Also, I don't follow The Blogess or Schmutzie, so whatever "submitting" means, go for it!
Posted by: foolery | August 28, 2008 at 03:26 PM
OMG I am so ashamed but at the same time, reading your tweets...its kind of like switching radio stations really fast and putting together odd pieces of conversation. OK well maybe that only made sense in MY head...
Seriously, someone needs to wash my mouth out with soap. But in my defense, it did kinda hurt and I was truly humiliated when ALL THOSE PEOPLE SHOWED UP!
Well Laurie, I'm really glad there was some entertainment value to be had. As for me, I think I'm getting a cleaning lady...oh and I'm making sure she has SHORT hair!
Posted by: Auds | August 28, 2008 at 03:02 PM
BAHAHAHA! This is seriously the funniest damn thing I've seen in a long time.
Your execution was flawless and had me on the edge of my seat.
If you don't submit this to The Bloggess and Schmutzie I SO am.
Posted by: mommypie | August 28, 2008 at 02:56 PM