After reading (and essentially reposting) Auds' wonderful story about vacuuming up her own hair Tuesday, and after telling four people the story to share the joy, I have a similar tale to share. This comes from my real-life friend Ms. Boz (Not Her Real Name, Nor Is She Any Relation To Boz Skaggs). To give you a good mental picture, I have provided some photos. Also, Ms. Boz is very tall and willowy with long wavy hair.
When I was a freshman in college, I found myself in one of those "can't believe this is really happening" instances. I had waist-length "hippy" hair in those days like many other young women. One day another girl and I were running copies on one of those mimeograph machines. In those days those machines were used to duplicate, rather than the modern copiers we have today.
Just kidding, Boz. Well, sort of kidding. (Original photo stolen from these guys)
Anyway, as the machine was running, I bent down for some reason and realized that the ends of my hair on one whole side of my head started wrapping themselves around one of the drums. As the drum kept running, more and more of my hair was disappearing inside of it. I was so horrified that I couldn't talk, but finally managed to scream "TURN IT OFF" as my head became plastered against the side of the machine. My friend shut off the machine just as it began to tug on my scalp.
There was a class going on next door with a glass wall separating the two rooms. Thirty faces appeared behind that glass and amongst all of the horrified comments of the students, I could hear one voice loud and clear, "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GIRLS TO TIE YOUR HAIR BACK?" The teacher in that class was yelling and bawling me out. Not one bit of sympathy. Here I was bent over with my cheek plastered against the mimeograph machine listening to that crap. Then she started yelling, "JUST CUT IT. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SCISSORS?" I started yelling back, "YOU'RE NOT CUTTING MY HAIR" and demanded that they call campus security. When I think about it today, that was pretty comical, in the position I was in. They ended up calling some repair and maintenance guys to come and take the machine apart.
I ended up with half of my hair in a big tangled greasy mess, but I got to keep my hair.
Again, just kidding, Boz. You have beautiful hair. (Original photo stolen from these guys)
Then I had to listen to the teacher's "I told you so" comments for the rest of the semester. It actually could have ended really badly and the machine could have scalped me.
Which is why to this day, everyone uses photocopiers. The end.
Just messing with you, Ms. Boz. Thank you for this hair-raising story. Yeah, I know; I'm a HARE BRAIN.
How DO you suppose Meatloaf got his hair out of HIS mimeograph machine?
Ohhhh Yeah. I got my hair caught in a drill one time a couple of years ago...Thank God nobody was home to see me that time. There woulda been alot of "I told ya so's".
I managed to put the drill in reverse before I resorted to chewing off all my hair. Since then I've become a little more...shall we say...CAUTIOUS?
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | August 30, 2008 at 10:38 PM
Remember, comedy = tragedy plus time.
I can totally hear the thwack-thwack-thwack of the mimeo machine and can even almost conjur the smell of the ink and the cool damp feel of the fresh pages. I am sure your cheek was a lovely shade of purple.
Posted by: Meg | August 30, 2008 at 11:05 AM
My neighbor taught art and shop classes. The girls had a tendency to get their hair caught in heavy machinery. I believe he had the same amount of empathy as the teacher in your story. Although he is a lovely man today and I'm sure he would be sad if I were to get my 1-inch long hair caught in his table saw.
Posted by: Kathi D | August 30, 2008 at 01:52 AM
Okay, is that the same thing as a "Ditto" Machine? That's what we called it in grade school, anyway.
So seriously. How high DID you get from the ink vapor?
Posted by: mommypie | August 29, 2008 at 09:52 PM
Scary! I know a woman who had this happen to her. She was not so lucky. Her scalp was severely injured and she was unable to grow hair on a good part of her head. So she always wore scarves.
Posted by: Jason | August 29, 2008 at 08:56 PM
What I want to know is: how did she get that hateful purple ink off her cheeks? When I first started in grad school, we Teaching Assistants had to use the mimeograph machine for anything we wanted to hand out to our students. Yes, this was the 1990s. I KNOW. Anyway, the ink solution looked clear but left the most hideous purple stains on your skin, and you had to be really careful if you got it on your fingers and then scratched your nose or something before washing your hands because: shiny purple nose for a day or two! This Boz was pretty lucky if she escaped that fate too!!
Posted by: MommyTime | August 29, 2008 at 07:11 PM
Seriously funny!
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Hallie | August 29, 2008 at 07:02 PM
So funny. My grade school had one of those and they really could be considered a weapon.
Posted by: texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana | August 29, 2008 at 06:55 PM
HA! One of those "it wasn't funny then but yeah, it's pretty funny now" stories. Love those.
Thank you for posting the picture of Meatloaf. He probably only pulls his hair back (to avoid it getting caught) TWO OUT OF THREE times, which ain't bad.
Posted by: Suz Broughton | August 29, 2008 at 06:39 PM
I'm pretty sure Meatloaf ATE the mimeograph machine.
Posted by: all things BD | August 29, 2008 at 06:37 PM
I am so rattled today with this Alaska chick. I don't have the energy to understand. Sorry. But I luv ya!
Posted by: Mental P Mama | August 29, 2008 at 06:03 PM