BLOGGYWOOD -- Foolery test-fired more long-range missiles overnight in a second round of exercises meant to show that the blog can defend itself against any attack by other nearby blogs, state television reported Thursday. The weapons have "special capabilities" and included missiles launched from Foolery's driveway, along with torpedoes and surface-to-surface missiles, the broadcast said. It did not elaborate. A brief video clip showed several of Foolery's most recent attempts.
The report came hours after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned Foolery that Washington will not back down in the face of threats against, oh, say, Letter W.
"We are sending a message to Foolery that we will defend blogging interests and the interests of Mommy Pie, Confused Hero At Large, and others," Rice said Thursday in Georgia at the close of a three-day Eastern European trip.
The director of the U.S. Missile Defense Agency, Lt. Gen. Henry Obering, said Foolery's missile tests have emphasized the urgency of going ahead with plans to place a proposed U.S. missile defense system in Bloggywood.
Among the missiles Foolery said she tested Wednesday was a new version of the Huminah-Huminah-Huminah, which officials have said has a range of 1,250 words and is armed with a really snarky rant.
That would put The Mom Bomb, The Mental Pause Chronicles, Ask Grandma J Anything, Just Jessie and OK, Where Was I? all within striking distance.
Wednesday's missile tests were conducted at the corner of Geez and Oh My GAHH, a strategic super-secret location through which up to 40 percent of the world's bullshit passes. Foolery has threatened to shut down traffic wherever her influence might reach, which could include 6th Avenue, if attacked.
In other news, Foolery has 22 minutes to decide how to spend the last 22 minutes of her 42nd year. She has ruled out watching her age roll over on her long-neglected MySpace page, as that would be pathetic, and besides? That was SO two years ago. She's thinking that maybe wrestling with Typepad's fancy-schmancy new compose editor is just the ticket.
I am so late wishing you Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday to You. Did you spend the last 22 minutes playing with fancy schmancy tech gadgets?
Love and Belated Wishes,
Liz
Posted by: Alias Liz Jones | July 12, 2008 at 10:44 PM
I've seen your driveway, and I can say that it's more of a threat to Foolery than anyone else.
I took one look at it and, uh, I ran.
"Mullah, yeah... ten G's, yeah..."
Posted by: Mantel Man | July 12, 2008 at 07:30 AM
Well I see that you at least celebrated the last few minutes drinking. Ha, ha, ha. I almost missed saying Happy Bday on the actual bday. Technically, I did miss it here, as it is now tomorrow. But there, I believe, I'm in just under the wire. And no, I haven't been drinking. Can you believe it? Hope it was/is a good one.
Posted by: Ok, Where Was I? | July 11, 2008 at 11:27 PM
That was sooo funny! Where do you come up with this stuff? (I'm beginning to suspect that those fires down there are burnin' more than just trees) Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Cactus Petunia | July 11, 2008 at 08:48 PM
43? HOw is it? Ill be there in a few months.....
Happy Birthday, I hope it's the best yet!!
Posted by: heart shaped hedges | July 11, 2008 at 04:30 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
You got just three years on me Ms. Lagmore, but you look waaaay younger -- 43 looks AMAZING on you, sister!
And Dubya has MY interest at heart?!? Wait, did I read that right?!? Pie DOES make everything better, I will admit -- if we were neighbors, I'd be over with a slice and a few candles and maybe some vino.
YOU are HI-larious!
PS -- thanks for Stumbling my insane video :)
Posted by: mommypie | July 11, 2008 at 02:49 PM
NOOOOO! I mean the 12th anniversary of my TWENTY-NINTH birthday, not 39th! GAAAAH! I just added a decade! Holy crap!
Posted by: Meg | July 11, 2008 at 01:58 PM
OK, that was hilarious; a very inspired post.
And happy birthday, fellow July baby! I myself will be observing the 12 anniversary of my 39th birthday in two weeks. :-)
Posted by: Meg | July 11, 2008 at 01:57 PM
Bwahahahahahah!!! And, umm...
(humming tunelessly)
Hippo Birdie two ewe
Hippo Birdie two ewe
Hippo Birdie deer ewe
Hippo Birdie two ewe
Shade and Sweetwater,
K, who is finally younger than a fellow bloger, although not by enough
Posted by: Kyddryn | July 11, 2008 at 11:36 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Oh and have yourself an extra glass of whatever you're toasting with tonight, 'cause you'll need it after dealing with TypePad's neato (NOT) new compose editor....the very same one that ate my post last night.
Hope your day is less smokey and ash filled as well!
Posted by: Auds | July 11, 2008 at 10:38 AM
Happy Birthday coming from Ask Grandma J's site :)
Hope it's filled w/fun and no missile attacks!
Posted by: M | July 11, 2008 at 09:57 AM
Well I'm glad somebody is prepared...thanks for the shout out, and a BIG HAPPY HAPPY to you! I am going to have a glass of wine for lunch in your honor;)
Posted by: Mental P Mama | July 11, 2008 at 09:11 AM
WHAT?!! foolery... under attack...?!?!
I'm normally the consciencious objector type, but for foolery... where do I enlist (I actually have MAD automatic weapon skills: http://mamamo.blogspot.com/2008/06/freestylin-r-r-r-random.html )
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Let me know what you decide to do, 'cause I only have 2 more months (I'm slow).
Posted by: MamaMo | July 11, 2008 at 08:52 AM
...Gheeee! "Happy Birthday Miss Fool'ry!" (*now singing deep base*)..."and many more!" ;o)
...Great post as always! You ROCK! And I'd shoot off a foot to knock off a few years...not a whole leg but a foot...
...Birthday Blessings to our Queen of Snarky... :o)
Posted by: tj | July 11, 2008 at 08:11 AM
Happy Birthday. I hope you have a beautiful day : ).
Posted by: Becky | July 11, 2008 at 07:43 AM
Happy B-Day!
No missiles aimed this way please..
Posted by: Chris | July 11, 2008 at 07:29 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I wish I felt like I understood the rest of your post, but I'm so tired right now from being awake for well over two hours in the middle of the night with a screaming toddler that my brain is set to Sluggish-is-a-Gift-Be-Thankful.
But I did get the birthday part. I'm eBaking you Almond Roca cupcakes with mile-high homemade icing. Enjoy!
Posted by: MommyTime | July 11, 2008 at 07:12 AM
Birthday spankings?
Posted by: Rick's Cafe | July 11, 2008 at 07:03 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope your day is luxurious :) If not, there's always alcohol.
Posted by: Big Hair Envy | July 11, 2008 at 06:43 AM
Happy Foolery Day! I mean Birthday Foolery.
You are the most clever of the cleverest....and Condi Rice is jealous...as am I!
Have a great day and just so you know, some people would shoot off their own right leg to be 43!
Posted by: Grandma J | July 11, 2008 at 05:42 AM
Happy Happy Birthday to you. I sincerely hope you have a relaxing, FUN-filled, bullshit-free day. You deserve it.
I'll lift a glass in your honor this evening. Or this afternoon. Or maybe two glasses.
Happy Birthday.
-Cheeky
Posted by: Chesapeake Bay Woman | July 11, 2008 at 03:24 AM