Dear Butt

(Photo stolen from these guys)

Dear Butt,

 

I have long needed to get a few things off my chest, so here goes.

 

You are such a huge part of me.  In fact, you may be the biggest thing in my life.  I can't tell you what it means knowing that you are behind me 100%, my biggest supporter.  You are my anchor.

 

Oh sure, there are others in my life who lend their support -- Feet, Legs, and Knees come to mind -- and they're all great, but just between me and you?  They complain a lot.  But not you, Butt -- you almost never complain, even when I really lean on you.  (Don't get me started about Back, who needs way more babying than anybody and frankly? hasn't been reliable for several years.  But this is not a snarky Back-biting session; it's all about YOU, Butt.) 

 

We've been together almost 43 years, and I've watched you grow.  How you've grown.  You've made a career of growth, really.  You're like a growth industry.  Though you don't have a glamorous job, and a lot of your time is spent just sitting, you're always there, two steps -- well, three steps -- behind me, hanging out, waiting to be of service.  You may not be the first one noticed when we enter a room, but you're definitely the one they'll remember when we leave. 

 

I know it is my responsibility to care for you, clothe you, feed you, and feed you, and feed you, and I do, and I am happy to do so, but it isn't enough.  I need to express my appreciation for your solid support, and for being a soft place to land when I'm down.  Thank you, Butt.  You have gravitass, my friend.

 

Love,

 

Laurie

 

p.s. Don't pay any attention to silly Boobs; nobody else does.

Comments

[Alias Liz Jones]

After reading this, some may opt for silicon butt implants. Wear it proud. Anyway, I've seen Butt pads advertised to make buns look bigger. Who needs em.

[Jason]

Laurie, you're the best! I've missed you. . .

[mommypie]

I can't believe I've slacked reading Foolery for about a WEEK??? I MISSED THE BUTT POST!!!

This is AWESOME. The first love letter to a backside I've ever read. Mine would not be so kind, I'm afraid.

You rock.

[HRH]

NOW this was FIERCE! hahaha. I love it. I unfortunately relate to it and I laughed through the entire thing. Now I am going to cry...

[Debbie]

So creative...how many people do I know that can come up with this stuff? How thankful am I that I have a link to you and get to read hilarious and wonderful stuff like this?

Wow...great job woman!!

[Auds at Barking Mad]

Brilliant!

I so agree with MommyTime...genis m'dear, pure genius.

[ICE-P]

YoKay HOs, its be time to clean ups dee enviro-ment. Now we goin raise de consciences of Amerikka an we goin do

"Butts Across Amerika"

to stop global warming caused by big fat white wimmin. Yo HO's gotsta know dat only dee kulla'd sistuz kin bee dee wunz wit da BIG BOOTYS.

Cause dey Gotz Dat!

Now next sat nite at midnite I want ch'all be out der an gitchu butz 2gedda. Den you goes and shakes dem like a can o wip creem. Den dem butts gitx skinny and der ain't be no mo glodal warming.

uh huh!

[Meg]

Butt that was a brilliant example of double entendre! Bravo!

[YukonJen]

Oh. I love it. Great post!!

And remember, "Those who scorn it are invited to kiss it!!!"

Coming from somebody who has an entire category on her blog about her butt!!!

Thanks to fawnahareo.com for sharing....

[Pooper Poots]

OK ya'll

Line'm up. Time for the Butt Parade (Tushy Pagent).

I wanna see a Butt-Panoramic View of each one of ya posted here by the time I get back to work tomorra.

[Mental P MamaM]

Well done! I think my butt and my back fat are dating.

[Kit]

THAT was awesome! Hahahahaha!

Well done.
(still smiling)

[MommyTime]

Yet another homerun. Who else would ever have thought to write a letter to her butt? You are a comic genius, my friend.

[david]

In the new reality of downsizing and offshore offloading. The butt has managed to stay afloat if you will. It must have friends in high places.
Hey shit happens right?

[Ok, Where Was I?]

You're hilarious. Freakin' hilarious. This was total bloggy awesomeness. A growth industry. I hear ya!

One of the kids in our big family said to my mother once, "WOW, you have a bottom." And now I get to carry on the torch.

[all things bd]

That. Was awesome. I'm going to wait a little while and totally steal this post. Okay, I won't, but I'm definitely going to link to it.

[Rick's Cafe]

Butts & Boobs, like having 2 children - I can't and won't say that one is better at the expense of the other. Each have their own characteristics, personalities and quirks.

My life is truly fulfilled when I hold both :)

[tj]

...Miss Fool'ry, I just hope none of us are around when your butt decides to respond to your "ode to the toothless wonder" post...lol ;o)

...Booty load o' blessings to ya... :o)

[MamaMo]

This was absolutely hilarious, and so wonderfully sweet - no tough talk about whippin' into shape or not laggin' behind! ;-)

[Maria]

I hear ya, too. I wish someone would pay attn to other parts of me but Dear Hiney gets the looks. But not in a good way.

My daughter likes the book for kids (8-12 yr olds) called "The Day My But Went Psycho" about a Butt that escapes. Perhaps you could read this aloud to your butt, (standing so it can really hear) and it will get ideas to escape. I sure wish mine would!

[Chesapeake Bay Woman]

I think we have the same back....and boobs.

[Hallie]

What a beautiful ODE TO YOUR TUSH.

I'm impressed.

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

[Fawn]

OMG, Laurie, did you seriously write this? You are way too funny! Oh my Lord, I'm posting a link to this on my FB page. STILL laughing!

[nik]

This was flippin hysterical. I know what you mean... sigh.