Yeah, I suppose it's time for a change. And since change comes from within, but I'm way too lazy to do anything like that, I'll just dig through the couch for loose pocket change. In the form of a new profile picture.
I work -- did I mention I do that? Because I do that, sometimes -- at an advertising agency of diminutive size but of large talent and experience. I represent mostly the LARGE portion. Anyway, we have a chroma key wall, against which people are sometimes videotaped or photographed. Remember the Maisie Jane's TV commercial I
bored you to tears with showed you back in October? That was all shot against this hideous green wall. I don't know how to explain it well, so I'll do it my way.
Have you ever been watching a local newscast, and the weather guy's tie kind of disappears and becomes part of the weather map he's pretending to stand in front of? He's really standing in front of a bilious green (sometimes electric blue) wall, just like this one. It's called chroma key, and the idea is to use a color that doesn't appear in Nature or sensible fashion, and then you tell the camera to "ignore" it (first you have to tell the idiot weather man not to WEAR it, however). Then you can drop in whatever image or video you want behind the person -- a weather map, election coverage graphics, or, my personal favorite a la "Whose Line Is it, Anyway?" a herd of stampeding elephants.
Anyway, the guy at our agency who represents the TALENT portion, is good at lighting and chroma key-ing. I am neither. So Friday as I finished up at work I thought I'd take a few self-portraits, then take them home and key out the green to a nice flattering eggshell or something. HA! Again, HA! Way too hard. Got to get the tolerance just exactly right or large portions of your hair disappear. Also? It would help if I had actually had the studio lights hooked up. I turned one on but it made such a sharp shadow that there really was no point. Some day I'll have our resident genius photograph me, but until then, here's what you're getting:
I wasn't kidding about the bilious green. This is me trying to be something or someone more interesting. It didn't take.
So, I cropped out all of the nasty green. This is me trying to be blurry. Also, sort of self-effacing and vulnerable. NEXT.
This is me smiling my "Holy frijoles, just get this over with" smile. This smile is known by several uncharitable names which I can't mention on a PG-rated blog. This smile will get you through life. So far, so good.
There you go, Bob Cleveland -- you shamed me into it; I smiled.
I still like the top one best, if I can only get rid of that green.