(Photo stolen from YakShaving on Flickr)
I have been tagged by a friend to fill out this questionnaire. When bloggers do this it is called a meme. I'm going to be cool and let you think I really know what that word means.
1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? SCUM. That'd be soap SCUM.
2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? God, I hope not.
3. What would you change about your living room? Is "knock it down" an option?
4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Never use it; Chas does, so DIRTY.
5. What is in your fridge? Four homemade pumpkin breads, beer, vegetables, and a stain that I SWEAR moves around.
6. White or wheat bread? Whole grains -- the more, the better.
7. What is on top of your refrigerator? My grandmother's copper bread box and my cookbooks.
8. What color or design is on your shower curtain? It's a hot pink hipster number with 60s beatnik chicks and French cats.
9. How many plants are in your home? Three -- a geranium, a hydrangea, and some tropical plant which, through neglect, I've rendered a bonsai.
10. Is your bed made right now? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh stop you're killing me ha ha ha ha ha
11. Comet or Soft Scrub? COMET, BABY! I SWEAR I CAN RUB THIS HIDEOUS FINISH RIGHT OFF! GIMME THE BELT SANDER WHILE YER AT IT!
12. Is your closet organized? In the way that Middle East politics and alliances are organized: one false move and you're toast.
13. Can you describe your flashlight? I can, but then I'd have to kill you.
14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic more at home? Macramé.
15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? No, I can't have too much caffeine. Well, I can, but then you'd have to kill me.
16. If you have garage, is it cluttered? Please see the Middle East closet question above. The closet and the garage have an alliance.
17. Curtains or blinds? Both. Neither are worth discussing.
18. How many pillows do you sleep with? One well-pounded ancient dust-mite-Heaven-of-a down pillow, **sigh**. I love it.
19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? A night light outside our door for the kidlets to find their way in in the middle of the night.
20. How often do you vacuum? It's an insignificant statistic in the way that 10-year weather cycles are insignificant.
21. Standard toothbrush or electric? Standard. Read, FREE from my millionaire dentist, twice a year without fail.
22. What color is your toothbrush? This is fascinating stuff, really it is.
23. Do you have welcome mat on your front porch? Yes. It reads WIPE YOUR PAWS. Do you feel welcome?
24. What is in your oven right now? OH GOD, THE TURKEY!!!! just kidding
25. Is there anything under your bed? Wrapping paper in Tupperware. Probably Barbies, too, if I'm honest.
26. Chore you hate the most? Anything that gets me within inches of the toilet.
27. What retro items are in your home? If by retro you mean "wildly out-of-date," then pretty much everything. Yup.
28. Do you have a separate room you use an an office? No, we have a corner of my computer room we use as a living room.
29. How many mirrors are in your home? I think four. Gosh, I'd better go break a couple of those, shiver.
30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? Yes, it's called Peanut M&Ms Money, and it's whatever is in my wallet.
31. What color are your walls? All of them are Old T-shirt White, except for one bathroom, which is Shield Your Eyes White.
32. What does your home smell like right now? Marinated baked pork cutlets. Slobber.
33. Favorite candle scent? I actually don't like candles. It's too hard to explain, but I feel claustrophobic from the smell. Heavy on PHOBIC.
34. What kind of pickles are in your refrigerator right now? Probably sweet baby gherkins and sweet pickle relish.
35. Ever been on your roof? Oh heavens no. Now that's funny. My heart is pounding and my palms are sweaty. Shudder.
36. Do you own a stereo? Coupla very old components that miraculously still sound better than anything else I've used.
37. How many TVs do you have? Two, plus the little black-and-white that Chas takes to work when the Lakers or the Rams are playing.
38. How many phones? Just one. It's a tiny house.
39. Do you have a housekeeper? Who'd want to break her neck getting the house clean enough for a housekeeper? They talk, you know.
40. What style do you decorate in? It's a blend of Early College Regretable, American Family Castoff and 20th Century Funeral Leftovers.
41. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? I like solid furniture. Anything else is gravy.
42. Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes, and it likes to sing along with my cooking.