To all the good people of the USA, the UK, NATO,
Amnesty International, Condoleeza Rice, the UN, ABC, BBC, CBC, CBS, CNN, NBC,
SNL, LMNOP, and anyone else who may have been chagrinned by the recent hanging
We are sorry. Truly, we are. As the new Iraqi
government we are making a lot of mistakes, we know, but this is kind of new to
We know it isn't typical to pop the top off of
someone on the gallows, but it was an accident. Though, as accidents go, we
weren't THAT upset . . .
No no no, sorry, we really bungled it, and we
realize that. On the upside, it was easy to get the coffin into the back of a
Scratch that -- sorry. We TOTALLY GET that we
handled things poorly, and it won't happen again. It's just that we haven't had
the reins of power for that long, and, well, how were WE supposed to know that
you shouldn't make a noose out of high-test fishing line? Saddam's hangmen --
man, talk about a large group! They could start their own country! -- have all
been strung up themselves, or have left the country. So we didn't have any
experts to consult.
But we have learned from our mistakes, and we
will do better next time. Next time, we'll call someone from Texas to help us
With Sincere Regret And Humility,
Just Call Me "Steve,"
Some Guy In The New Iraqi Government Who Has Not
Been Cleared To Talk To The Press