Mean Laurie showed up today on my drive home. She doesn’t show up too often, but when she does, my karma account gets dangerously low.
I’d had a bad day today. Can’t point to why, exactly, but I did. Came home cranky, ill-tempered, hungry. Abandoned all the pretense of my normal rule regarding the girls’ animal cookies -- “Mommy eats only the broken ones” -- and scarfed down a few WHOLE elephants, camels and other unidentifiable pink blobs. I felt better, but not as good as I had felt on the drive home, when mean Laurie showed up.
Mean Laurie is annoyed by personalized license plates which brag in an unseemly way. Mean Laurie doesn’t mind things like FSHRMAN or 9ERFANN, but SXYGIRL or RICHGUY makes Mean Laurie want to ram other cars, or at least to spit on them. So when the silver Mercedes Benz SLK cruised by me on the way home tonight, I noticed the vanity plate as it passed. It announced the driver’s alumnus status at a university of (apparently?) high status. The driver seemed to say, “I’m not only wealthy, but I’m also well-educated.” Blecchh.
So as the unknown lady’s car gently purred just ahead of me in the left lane at the stoplight, I was amused to notice a HUGE raindrop hit my window. Ms. Thang was in a convertible with the top down. Cool, I’ll get to see the Automatic Roof-Put-Away-er in action, I thought, without a trace of embarrassment at my lack of terminology.
But then the light turned green, and traffic rolled forward. Wow, can she really put up the hard top while driving? I thought.
At least, she couldn’t today. For whatever reason, the roof unfurled halfway from its hiding place, then stopped. Traffic was really moving along now, and Ms. Thang was desperate. She forced her way over to the right lane a few carlengths ahead of me, obviously swimming in the open cab as she maneuvered toward the first available turn-off.
That’s when Mean Laurie showed up. She thought the whole scene was HILARIOUS, and we drove along together, Mean Laurie and me, laughing uproariously at Ms. Thang in her rolling bowl of water, as she pulled over to try to get the lid up. Imagine all the fine German leather seats, the Kate Spade bag on the seat, her blackberry, cell phone and take-out Thai food all getting soaked. Mean Laurie was in heaven.
I’m thinking about getting a vanity plate which reads LOADED and letting people wonder whether I’m an eccentric rich person in an old car, or a very skillful drunk driver. I probably won’t, though, because Mean Laurie might key the car.